love&fiction - musings from a scribbler

EVICTION NOTICE.

2006-09-07T23:42:00.000+08:00

Henceforth, I have moved back to Livejournal and can be located at hourlilies @ livejournal . com

Yeah, I know I'm pretty awful at keeping blogs (the LJ one is probably my 4th in 2 years) but well ... we'll see how things go, I guess. :)

If you happen to read my Wordpress blog, I'll still be posting there, no worries.

... as a side rant/angry-note, PRELIMS IS THE ABSOLUTE !!. But I bet As will be worse, so oh wellohwell.

Cheers.

3 cheers for good friends (:

2006-07-23T01:00:00.000+08:00

A public shout out to those who made 18th memorable -

Keax&Aur - nearly 6 years and counting, eh? Despite the whole poly-jc-jc thing or the east-north-north divides, we somehow manage to laugh about everything under the sun. Of course our LOVE for all things Japanese (and Asian) makes a hell load of difference, and even though I have completely different friendships with both of you, I'm glad we made it as a trio. Remember IR (oh Sec 2 horrors!) Thanks for Billy Bombers & shopping trip on Friday!

The GANG: Aileen, Jeremy, Shaun, ANEESA (hmphhh why you never attend ): ), Ming Lee, Teng Leong & Kang Hao & the rest who we see on an on/off basis -
THANKS for the great foodie night at Smith Street! I'm still feeling extremely bloated, ugh (esp after the zhongjimima with the chocs) despite our age difference or jc difference or WHATEVER, I'm so terribly glad that we have birthdays as excuses to get everyone together. Tonight was amazing (because of food and of course all of you!), thank you so much, I feel terribly blessed aye!

People at school - TOOO long a list, but you know who you are, and thanks for the celebrations!! even though being 18 is just about being THE legal age, that's all.

Online/Overseas friends - never have I had so many international SMSes! :) thankyouthankyou, you know I love you all eh no matter where you guys are! and I know those SMSes must have cost quite a bit, hehe.

and to the rest of the wonderful people who SMSed (especially the surprised shockers), thank you as well. :)

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT: (and a little extra!)

2006-07-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

Theatre Studies and Drama 2006
Public Performance
Victoria Junior College, Various Spaces
15th - 16th July, 7pm - 9-ish
Tickets priced at $8 each, $12 for a pair.

If you like to watch theatre at a really affordable price, let me know. WE ARE BLOODY AMAZING FOR A BUNCH OF 17/18 YEAR OLDS, OKAY. And you can also figure out why I've practically vanished from the surface of the earth for the past few months, but why I do love what I'm doing despite the way I gripe about it sometimes.

On another thought: don't bother coming for me, actually, because I'm barely performing (just with my group), but I would really love to hang out still.

-

A few months ago (May, to be exact), I wrote this after quite alot of dazed moments, reflections and contemplations. And actually today I have no idea what possessed me to write something like this - it's funny, but I think the key problem with terrible author-wanna-bes like me is that we always assume we know everything based on a little something.

because love

is often selfish and unkind, we find ourselves victims of the grand conspiracy, wrecked by jealousy and envy.

is often too delightful at first touch, we find ourselves naively succumbing to it, only to find out at the very end that the greatest love of all is the love we have for ourselves, and nothing more.

is often something that people mistake for lust, kindness, grace, or any of those above: we find that too many times we say 'we love', and don't feel our hearts responding.

is often too shortlived, we find ourselves yearn for more, hunger for it, and treasure every memory.

is often too beautiful to be true, we find ourselves to be jaded, disillusioned, and 'i-hate-the-world' at the very end of things.

is crazily anticing, we find ourselves falling in love at first sight, falling for the wrong people, only to have our hearts broken after the whirlwind ride.

but because love is all of those things, and things undiscovered, we find it in ourselves the capacity to love, because we will never know the profund absurdity and beauty of some things until we step into it.

-

I don't know why I'm posting it anyway, perhaps I just feel too melancholic and also because of the need to not sound so awful for returning from hiatus just to try to separate you from your money (oh but you will get to watch amazing theatre and talk to me :D - is that even a good enough bargain? heheh.)

arghahshhdhs (disgruntled face)

2006-06-19T01:24:00.000+08:00

dumdumdum. I am hovering between SCREWEDDOM and FAIRLYSCREWEDDOM, for someone who doesn't spend 28.1923827 hours watching World Cup, I should really be using the 28.1923827 to MUG! (oh glory blessed glory) rather than playing stupid MMORPGS like Silkroad Online till ungodly hours of 4AM, and then waking up to 11AM and splitting headaches (and a vicious cycle). okay, but i like trashing monsters (mwahahaha) at ungodly hours like 4AM, and saying hi to the people from germany and portugal and where the sun is shining BRIGHTLY.

okay, and let's not factor in Youtube which is great source of ANIME FUNNY VIDEOS AND VIDEOS THAT YOU'LL SEE REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU HAVE AN INTEREST IN IT ANYWAY!

i have history and lit s work! oh woe betides me.

on a sidenote, teh world is ending. global warming is happening!

okay, enough of midyears-rant and i should start tacking brochures of university of toronto & UBC to EVERYWHERE. i have about 2 months to buck up, pull a b-average, apply to UofT (yes, TORONTO! of broadway musicals, newmindspace, coldweather & fun) & UBC (hello, Brynn & Edward!) and get in. mugmugmugmug!

but for now, because it's the june holidays, i shall enjoy myself for a bit. :) more silkroad online! woohoo.

back to hiatus! (aha)

LIBERATION(:

2006-06-09T13:27:00.000+08:00

I just woke up from a 12-hour sleep (ah, bliss!) - longer than I've ever slept in the past 4 months or so.

Yesterday was a pretty good run (haha this is SUCH an actor term) for me, so I feel satisfied. :D The only thing that caught me off guard was when he asked about one of my concepts (diesandpanics), but hopefully, I covered that pretty okay. The exam didn't feel like an exam at all!! But I'm glad it's over, really.

Sadly though, as Sulas and I were commenting, the last day felt kind of lonely, and individualistic (Sulas assured me that for all the past few exam days it was just like this, which makes it even more sad!?).

Then I cabbed home (seeing as to how nearly ALL the Groopeas magically arrived at school, expecting to LEAVE after Bob's piece - I honestly though we were meeting for dinner!!), fell asleep because our meeting time was shoved to later :P and came late, as usual. I really need to kick this late habit! My stupid Converse sneakers from Sec 3 gave me blisters again (argh, I shall never trust my mum who persuaded me to wear them after so long), so I arrived late and blistery.

We went around, trying to watch movies, Taka basement - fooding, dissing a dance competition in Taka, XIAOLONGBAO :) (which I didn't eat because I felt really full, but it's great that people like BOB! loves it!) er, this uber cool center at Cine when we paid $46 to play X-box, watch Zoolander (one of the most hilariously lame movies I've watched) and play online games! Then off to Starbucks (and here we bid goodbye to Vernie and Saiful) for BANANA CARAMEL FRAPP, my IT drink for now.

It never occured to me how much goodbye would hurt, but now that it's here, I think I may want to hit restart and throw myself into it again.
Still, things change, and we move on, so goodbye, TSD pracs - the many hours of sweat/blood/tears, the teacherly help, the fun we have at night - it may be gone, but the memories will always remain with us, aye? (:

with love:

teachers - mr lofty, mr young, mr alberto & mrs low.
the groopeas - bob, mak, ming (who's in the BIG APPLE!! WICKEDWICKEDWICKED :'(), mik, vern, mike & honorary members (Darrel, Shawn & Saiful ahah).
Set Designers Union - sulas, gen, hani, jas, hweisan & seniors Angela & Corrie.
other loves - Kai, Nicola & everyone else in TSD!

if i had the vocabulary of a dictionary i would express my thanks in a million different ways,
but hopefullyl my heartfelt gratitude and a simple thank you would suffice.
tsd05, you've mean a lot to me, despite me grumbling - i think the journey was worth taking on, hanging on for, and putting my heart and soul into for. it's funny, but i still can remember the 1st day of school in vj when i heard lofty speak so passionately about tsd and i thought: 'why not let's just give it a try?' - and fast forward 1.5 years later, i've given it my best, and loved it from the start to finish.

-

I WANT TO GET A DRASTIC HAIRCUT! aha, drastic in the BIG CHANGE way, but not the it's a terrible haircut way. i was kind of thinking of cropping my locks away again and going back to short hair (which is so much more manageable!), but i don't know where else to go to for a good haircut. or i could go trim my hair and keep long hair (omgimsoconfusedoversuchaBIMBOTICissue). :/

-

since this chapter of tsd has ended, there's no reason for me to blog here anymore, so goodbye Blogspot! (:

2006-06-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

the trick is to keep breathing,
mind over matter (and crazily thumping hearts),
and believing in it.

yes, i am that petrified. GRAHWR.

-

'Yes I know that I'm an idiot when it comes to love. But I won't give up.'
- William from Green Forest, My Home. :)
(but I like Owen so much better, I just prefer guys like Owen to William although both are equally attractive in terms of alot of things).
I shall spend my life obsessing over drama/fictional characters, ~~because seriously, what's there to love in a real guy?~~ :/

word-bite

2006-06-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

if nothing else:
- a joyride on a bike, for 3 hours or more, and the thought that i can't possibly fall
- a late night outing for supper, without possibly getting caught or having to explain myself
- to end with a bang (i must try, really!) and the fun afterwards
- to curl up and finish up the Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera, which is rather brilliantly written. i am amazed: how do you write so much about life just by talking about inter-related affairs?

and not forgetting:
- the work that comes, the mugging! (think utoronto/ubc utoronto/ubc utoronto/ubc - i need a GPA of above 3.3 to get into most programmes, that means an average of B and above FOR PRELIMS!)
- the immense psychotic Lit S reading.
- History S assignments, grah.
- and yeah, more work.
(and the anime watching, tv drama watching ...)

... where shall we begin?

/

I have a job opening, by the way:
MASCOTS AND PUPPETS
ARAB STREET
Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays
(Part-Time)
Pay: Not too sure, but I don't think it's too shabby

Contact me at 91882156 if you want to earn some extra cash! :)

hohoho (nonsensical ramblings)

2006-06-05T01:10:00.000+08:00

I'm oddly feeling very comforted with my new speakers & keyboard (PC Fair 2006, woohoo!), despite the fact that

(a) I have never practised with my crew a single presentation (but now I have 3 crew members! hoohahaho)
(b) I have not memorised my speech AT ALL, except for certain bits
(c) I'm not done building my set yet (this should set off MAJOR ALARM BELLS RINGING IN MY HEAD)

Instead, I find myself playing with my new keyboard - it's this silly little Creative Prodikey thing, which has a mini piano BELOW the keyboard (uber cool stuff) and I'm trying to master a few songs on piano! It's super duper cool, I assure ye.

I find myself still watching Lu Guang Shen Lin despite the cliches, and looking forward to watching Love Story in Harvard & Sweet 18 (I listed the number of shows I wanted to watch yesterday, and it totaled up to a frightening number of about 10+ series - not counting ANIMES & MOVIES & WESTERN SHOWS!!).

We ended with a pretty good stash at the PC fair, actually (one of the things I honestly enjoy about Singapore, even though I hate crowds, it's lovely to see some hustle bustle!)
- 2 speaker sets! (me and sis)
- Creative Zen Vision:M (for my sis!!) ARHGHGHHG!! But honestly, I told my Dad to get it for her because I've got two really expensive gifts for the past 2 years (my iPod and my Lumix), which I'm still trying to pay for because I feel terrible for letting them be gifts (byebye, Subway salaries)
- the Creative Prodikeys PC-MIDI keyboard which is a HELL LOAD OF FUN AND HARD WORK! :D
- a Camcorder (Dad)
- a laptop (Dad)

... did I mention how much I like the PC fair, ahah.

And of course the biggest surprise of the day came, strangely, when I went to the World Book Fair half hoping to find Ima, Ai ni Yukimasu & Sekai no Chuushin (etc.) chinese novels, having remembered Jeremy telling me how many Chinese books there were (in a rather disappointed tone, actually). By terrible searching, I found Sekai!! And I was half giving up on finding Ima when I thought, oh hell, let's just search through this pile once again - I lifted the top book up to look below, and it WAS THE ONLY COPY OF IMA left!! (shrieks ensue) It must have been luck/fate, so I went and bought both books immediately. So now I'll be forcing myself to read these 2 Chinese novels in fan ti zhi (oh god, more killer) - but at the same time I feel very proud of myself for being able to digest the book. :)

And of course, apologies to Aur for walking around with me the whole day long, though the lunch at Mondo Cafe was quite nice, aye? :)

tvtvtvtv!

2006-06-03T21:42:00.000+08:00

ARGH. I ALWAYS GET CAUGHT INTO WATCHING FRENZIES AT THE WRONG TIME!! For the past two nights (and for the past 4 hours) I've been watching

Veronica Mars (which is a fantastic show. Veronica reminds me of Anna from The O.C and Chloe from Smallville!) - I'm so glad Channel 5 is showing this soon! (the debut's this Sunday, at 6 or 7PM)

I've also been caught into a KOREAN MOVIE WATCHING CRAZE.

Just watched My Little Bride starring Moon Geun-yeong & Kim Rae-won (one of my favourite Korean actors ever since My Love Patzzi!) and I completely ADORED it, yes, I'm a sucker for romantic comedies. It's one of the better K-movies I've watched, and their chemistry is pretty amazing.

The storyline's basically similar to Sweet 18 (another drama that I've been trying to watch and WILL BE WATCHING SOON!). I've also gotten my hands on Love Story in Harvard (ahaha), a show that I've been waiting to watch for ages. + Temptation of Wolves!

My mum and I are also VERY STRANGELY hooked on this new Taiwanese idol drama known as Lu Guang Shen Lin (what low depths I've succumbed to, argh, I've always hated Taiwanese dramas!) It's cliche, but strangely refreshing. :)

all HAIL YOUTUBE!

:)

2006-06-02T00:49:00.000+08:00

with thanks:

to the gods above who orchestrated the rain - THANK YOU FOR LETTING IT RAIN AT THE BEST PART. the weather was cold and lovely to perform in, but thank you so much for not letting the rain take over our whole outdoor piece.

the space - you're such a beautiful space! and now you're just all the more special after i've been with you for mono & a-level groups. the magic of spaces.

and now, actual people -

mr pym - for being an absolutely lovely examiner, it was so refreshing.

the MOE examiners - for actually LAUGHING !!

mr lofty, mr albert, mr young & mrs low - the precious advice, the late nights of 'spilt blood', the cricket matches, the koping of your computers for Youtube videos, the support, comfort, encouragement and well-deserved trashings ... the list never seems to end, and i'm hoping it won't till a very long time.

our juniors - we've been truly blessed with a lovely crew, one which we mistreated quite alot of times :/ but still stuck on with us right till the end. thanks, dears.

the groopeas - Mik Mak Mike Ming Vern Bob: from the bitching to the emoing to the kindness to the specialness to the helpfulness to the slot-in-underwearness, from the late night runs (1230 AM!) to the early morning (730, woohoo, except that Bob would come at 8 ;)), from Fairyland to The Lift to Atomic Jaya and finally to Verona, from Munchkins to Ming's house with videos and Mike's house with more games

i've spent an inordinate amount of time with all of you, and each moment is as equally precious as the next. thank you so much for being there, for having the resilience and courage to work it out, and the never failing enthusiasm + spirit, even when we are so down. groopeas, the TRUE BELIEVERS!

we live our lives in our own ways
never really listened to what they say
the kind of faith that never fades away
we are the true believers

and with that i conclude our GROUPS! (there's still public perf to look forward too, woohoo) a good run today, best of luck to all those tomorrow, and let's keep it going for our ISes. <3

out of point -

2006-05-31T22:25:00.000+08:00

Suddenly I feel 16 again - reliving the days of Singapore Idol obsession, trekking down to the studios to watch Sylvester (ahaha) with Tong on some school night, going to the indoor stadium to watch Singapore Idol!! - when I watch Singapore Idol 2. I'm rooting for Paul Twohill (my sister's favourite too!) & Jonathan Leong (WOOHOO)!!

Paul, because he shows us what it's like to truly love singing, to let your passion and youth shine through everytime you sing. :) and yes, because my sister and I believe he's a dead ringer for the MCR lead! And that emo hair and fun-loving attitude just shines through.

Jonathan, because HE HAS A COMPLETELY AMAZING LOW / DEEP VOICE! I am a sucker for beautiful low singing voices, as everyone who knows me probably can tell. He has a really rakish sort of charm, (~~he looks like Poon!~~), and I love the way he carries himself. It's confident, but not over-confident, and it just bowls me over.

[ I actually think that I'm going back to that phase of liking beng-ish guys. ] Ahaha.

-

So yesterday night was spent in near crisis, at 12.30 I was still in school, playing ShootShagMarry with the guys after being shot down for groups. Crashed at about 1.30, and woke up at 6.30 to go for slots. Still, it's going to be over and done in just one day! Completely psyched up, and Groopeas, thanks for the memories. I've never known a greater bunch of friends all plucked from obscurity and put together, and it's been a wild but FUN ride.

To tomorrow!
(and now, back to modelling clay and miniscule furniture)

heart breaks and dies

2006-05-24T20:24:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was quite something, but looking back, it was truly a blessing in disguise. So from

(a) Atomic Jaya ripoff in AVA (prelims) to
(b) Serious AJ ripoff in AVA
(c) Theatre piece in AVA
(d) Theatre piece in Treehouses (I still miss the treehouses, thank you very much)
(e) Theatre piece in MONO SPACE! :D (which I completely love)

we have finally had a piece. I think all the Groopeas are saying quite the same thing, i.e. MY MY WHAT ABSOLUTE RESILIENCE / STUBBORNESS / BOUNCE-BACK-NESS we have. It's really terrifying to think about it actually, especially when changes C - E were made in the space of about 2 hours (B to C) and 2 days (C to E) [ plus not forgetting we have 9 days to A Levels, WOOHOO! ]

I'm getting psyched up. Set's going on fine, developing more on concepts (anyone has any idea how to represent SCRUTINY? like glasses, mirrors, etc etc nonsense - please let me know asap!) so I don't think I'm at SOS anymore. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SDU & Angela & Corrie for all the help last night!

Okay and I honestly went to watch the Da Vinci Code because I just felt like it. I didn't quite like the movie:
- they changed bits! THEY CHANGED BITS! I hate it when book-movie adaptations do that. Even though it was quite minor it still took away the magic of alot of things, like REVEALING THE TEACHER TOO EARLY OMGWTFBBQ.
- Sophie and Robert chemistry is quite off, though Audrey Tatou is drop dead gorgeous!
- the ending was pretty bad. It felt really rushed, like trying to expose all the secrets at once. But the end scene with Langdon was good.
- Questionable casting of Tom Hanks. He's a great actor, I like his movies (particularly The Terminal, he does seem to act with really gorgeous people!) but I would have imagined Robert Langdon to look younger and basically more good-looking (from the way Brown builds him up)

But okay, the gizmos were cool, flashbacks were done really neatly in this grainy scenes ... and, I guess, all right. Not as good as the book (come to think of it, I don't think I've seen any book-movie adaptation that's equally good as the original), but that's just me.

I suddenly felt the urge to play all those silly games during the talk with Mike / Ming just now - those days where I was obsessed with my GBA and I played games like Harvest Moon, Zelda, Pokemon RBY (I think), Pokemon Crystal (which I NEVER COMPLETED! GRAH) - I miss them all so much! So for now, I'm running off to play Harry Potter (Sorceror's Stone). :D Call me childish, pah! But I do love games like these, and I think I completely deserve a de-stress session after all the work.

/

And from Mak's journal, just for looking back in the future -

Presenting a secret history of Groopeas:

October 2005: Promo time. Groups allocated - Vernie, Makoto, Mingyu, Yisha, Bob and Mikaela all in same group. Excursions made to Alliance Francais. Bob steals a Coke and we vow never to return. All go to Ming's house to watch movies.
November 2005: Settle on goth/fantasy fairytale thing. Vernie's a vampire, making me sad, because I wanted to be a vampire. Ming and Mik are lesbian princesses. Yisha is some sort of anti-feminine Red Riding Hood. Bob is an imp. I'm a drunk prince. We go nowhere.
December 2005: Decide we want to do something about a Lift. Ming's an old lady. Vernie's a young lady. Mik's suicidal. Yish is a Lian. Bob hates NS. I'm some salesguy. We sing some song about a river. Somewhere along the way the Bouncing Souls become our unofficial anthem makers.
New Year's Eve 2005: Scrap piece about Lift. Decide to adapt Huzir Sulaiman's Atomic Jaya. Bob, Vernie and Yisha are scientists, Ming's a minister, Mik a tea-lady, and I don't actually remember what I do here. Could've been a general already, actually.
January 2nd 2006: Show new piece. Get asked about copyright. Everyone dies a little.
January 2006: Bob writes a hideously long script that's about 17 pages. We slot a lot and eventually cut script, change scenes, etc. etc.
Feburary 2006: Juniors start coming in. Have a freakin' meltdown with an incident involving a glass bottle. Got drunk for the first time ever. Prelims happen, we get a B.
March 2006: Michael's in the group. Then he isn't. Then he is. Go to Boardgame Paradice. Discover Munchkin.
April 2006: Continue work, visit Mike's house a lot. Insert new character into the piece.
May 2006: Show teachers several times.
Last Wednesday: Did a group showing. Albert tells me on the night 'it's horrible'.
Last Thursday: Albert tells me to 'trash it' after I ask him to what extent were we screwed. Teachers more or less say the same thing in office later. Long discussion on political affiliations, then simple people, then some office girls and Sophie Kinsella, and somehow we talk about theatre companies. Improv like free.
Friday: Some semblance of a script is formed. More improv, more script writing.
Saturday: Gentle modification to script.
Sunday: Run with script, photos taken for programme.

TSD again (and what else?)

2006-05-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

What an emotional day. The things I thought I could never do actually happened - for one, I strangely managed to cry at will during warm-ups today. That is an AMAZING acheivement for someone like me who wouldn't touch acting even with a six-foot pole (or whatever the saying is, anyway). Acting's great fun, but it's not for me.

Two other moments I was teary -

Groopeas' actual trashing moment! Perhaps, we were too naive to see the big picture, but then it just wasn't nice to have our ideals all trampled over. But I'm glad it all got resolved anyway and we're positively bouncing back with a new space to work with. 9 days? PAH, what is 9 days. ;)

Set designers' conference with the teachers. I felt somewhat relieved to know that the presentation had been graded on preparation (which I am perfectly all right with getting a terrible grade, because I completely know that I've never been one for materials and tech stuff - why am I even doing set design -) ... but still, am revamping my design anyway. Hopefully that gets cleared too (I'm suddenly more excited about new design! Though I doubt I have time to pull it all off.)

Am I returning to blogging? Nah. Actually, I just kind of needed to rant / emo about TSD and this is the only place where I know dearest friends would drop similar rant/emo messages to make me feel better. :D That's what blogs are about, don't you think? A rather desperate plea for human / social contact to know that you're not alone.

So I shall either vanish or continue to emote about TSD for the next 2 weeks because after these 2 weeks it's all gone, darling. Cheers.
(I proudly admit that I finally OWN a copy of Rachael Yamagata's Happenstance LEGALLY! Her album is MADLOVE.)

i refuse to lose faith

2006-05-21T13:20:00.000+08:00

in two more weeks, it'll all be over.
i may stop loving, but i'll never stop believing.
(thank you, my dears, who helped me out yesterday night during period of bleakness).

am filled with positivity for the second time in two weeks.
maybe they're right, it really takes you on a roller-coaster trip:
you float on the highs of successes, you lose the magic, you get trapped in the emotional lows, and after a while, the magic gets back (or you pray that it does!)
but i only hope that this high lasts.

2006-03-27T18:32:00.000+08:00

i'm tired.
so goodbye till, i don't know when, really.
and yes, you can disregard anything and everything i've written.

2006-03-26T21:44:00.000+08:00

i feel the greatest urge to let everything go and just, live.
i wish i could learn without ever having to prove i've learnt. for how ever can you judge learning by a few exams and tests; it's just not fair to the memory, which absorbs so much more than it can regurgitate, or to the heart, which feels more than it lets on.
all choices are illusory. the only choice we have in life, strangely, is suicide.
(and i am not making this up: i could quote you right about 3 books where i've seen this appear, if only i wasn't so caught up in trying to make things up for my history s essay).
i shall in a valiant attempt try to rescue my boring, rigid life by aspiring to breathe in fresh air in hopefully about a year and a half.

Anime: 2D Cartoons (a RANT!)

2006-03-26T18:08:00.000+08:00

I find it completely ridiculous, as Aud mentions, when people compare animes to 2D cartoons (the likes of Disney etc). How can you??

Disney vs Anime

First of all, ALL DISNEY MOVIES are sappy ones that tug at your heart. They all have happy endings, in the end the message is usually family-centric, or friendship-centric. Anime's different. Sad endings are always justified, and somehow make you feel much better after the series end. Now I'm not exactly fond of Disnification, but I do admit that Disney has amazing animation works, and gorgeous graphics + nice music to boot. But there is NO WAY Disney can ever produce cartoons / shows / whatever else of as amazing depth as animes. The characters might be stereotypical red-haired assasins, or it might be magic shows like Card Captor Sakura ... but well, each and every character in an anime comes to life, has a past, present & future. And no matter how many times the same backbone story is used, each and every single anime is different.

Anime talks about death, past lives, friendship, love, family, games - offers them all on this same palette. Death is never something that is glossed over in anime, nor the importance of friendship: when you watch an anime, and you see this character that has stepped out of a manga and been brought to life, you understand what he or she is going through, what they struggle and strive for, or sacrifice, and when they die, it feels just as painful as any real person. For some, amazing animation is what captivates the audiences, others, the brilliant BGMs (background music!) that are so intricately created to fit the show, the magic skills, the fun, the humour, the bread-making, the goodlooking guys - so much, so much more. The themes THEMSELVES are stunningly captured in the few / many episodes. Look at Monster, which is such a realistic anime on Hitler's regime and the question of the rise of evil. Disney animations can NEVER, I swear on my coming grave, replicate this form of discussion just by animation. Animes are also controversial - they debunk your theories on religion and what not, and really make you think about what is worth it in life. They also teach lessons like history - many animes are created based on actual historical situations, or are spin-offs of a certain period in time.

It's an escapist fantastical kind of world, I concede, especially in watching animes that primarily revolve around love or so. And of course you might not like it, but how could you put it down to just a 2D cartoons with figures?!? If you do, you're ignoring the fact that animes of all sorts (there's probably about 100s of animes running around now) have an international fanbase. Yes, we're talking about Westerners who adore and worship anime, even. You've probably just NOT seen one that has captured your heart and suckered you into this amazing world, like I did when I watched Rurouni Kenshin and fell completely in love with this new world.

I'm NOT going to even start on people who put down Asian music (especially J-ROCK!) for Western music, or Asian movies for Western movies, or anything else. The West does have amazing movies / music (I refer to the music of the past, for music of the present is either brilliant or disappointing, more of the latter than the former), but there is no way it can capture hearts like how Asian stories and music work. The Orient is just amazing, and it'll do you good to just accept your roots and be proud of them, instead of trying to be a pseudo-Westerner. And of course, who can forget languages. I stick to my idea that Mandarin and Japanese (and the likes of other Asian languages) are more beautifully created and crafted, and sound so much better, but I do agree that English words, when carefully strung together, are capable of attempting similar results.

And I hate the way you call yourself a lover of all music, when you already, by default, discriminate against some forms of music. Music is NOT your life, definitely, if you discriminate against it in various forms. You can definitely have preferences, but to close yourself up to different possibilities just shocks me - this goes for movies as well.

And look at Sony with Advent Children! OMG. And the creation of Gameboys. Endless, endless, Asian possibilities and miracles, all waiting for you to discover them if only your heart wasn't closed already.

2006-03-25T21:03:00.000+08:00

Wicked is resident in Toronto's Canon Theatre!
BAWLS.
(what are the chances it'll stay there till Sept 2007?!)

=(

-

I have re-found my J-ROCK obsession! especially with Gackt! <3 As usual, amazingly talented musicians produce fantastic music by composing the music, arranging, and writing the lyrics! His latest single, REDEMPTION is the theme song for the the sequel to Advent Children (I think!), FFVII: Dirge of Cerberus, starring Vincent Valentine (who made an obscure appearance in the movie!). OMG EVERYTHING about the song makes me respect his music even more, and it's been so long since I've heard such a fantastic arrangement for a J-rock track! His band is as usual up to standards too. :D

self-indulgent lyrics for my own usage:

Shizuka ni sora ni kaeru anata no sugata wo
what else can I do besides avenge you?
Namida ga kareru made zutto mitsumete ita

Your form which returns gently to heaven
What else can I do, besides avenge you?
I watched it for the longest time, until my tears dried up.

Afureru kanashimi wa kese nai kizuato ni
Wasure wa shinai to chikatta

And the sorrow overflowing from the scar which can't be erased,
I swore that I would never forget it.

Oreta tsubasa wo habatakase
Subete wo keshsite mise you
Itsu no hi ka owari wo mukaeru
Saigo no kane ga nari yamu made

I'll flap my broken wings and erase it all some day, you'll see,
Until the last bell ringing the dirge completes.

you told me
live as if you were to die tomorrow
feel as if you were to be reborn now
face as if you were to live forever

You told me to live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Fail not and be what we were now
Face as if we want to have forever

Furueru yubi de akai namida wo nazotta
I had nothing to lose, nothing to lose
Hakanai omoide ga yami ni ochite yuku

Bright red tears traced by a trembling finger,
I had nothing to lose, nothing to lose
It crashes through the dark memories.

Saigo no hohoemi ga ukandewa kieru
Nukumori dake wo nokoshite

The last smile wavered, and disappears,
And the warmth is all that's left.

Yasashii dake no kotoba nara
Ima no bokuha iyase nai
Hateshi naku tsuduku tatakai ni
Kono mi wo subete sasageru dake

Your kind and gentle words can't heal me now,
This body's only dedicated to the never ending fight.

Itsuka wa kono sora ni daremo ga kaeru kara
Wakare no kotoba wa ira nai
make it up

Because everyone returns to heaven, some day,
You'll never need to say goodbye.

make it up!

Oreta tsubasa wo habatakase
Subete wo keshite mise you
Itsu no hi ka owari wo mukaeru
Saigo no kane ga nari yamu made

I'll flap my broken wings and erase it all some day, you'll see,
Until the last bell ringing the dirge completes.

Yasashii dake no kotoba nara
Ima no bokuha iyase nai
Hateshi naku tsuduku tatakai ni
Kono mi wo subete sasageru dake

Your kind and gentle words can't heal me now,
This body's only dedicated to the never ending fight.

REDEMPTION...REDEMPTION...

2006-03-24T21:38:00.000+08:00

sensational lit s lesson!! i still believe we don't learn anything much, but it's bloody brilliant sitting there listening to mr harris & mr lofty! ramble, duologue, quarrel, provide sensational anecdotes about Hamlet & King Lear.

at times like these i want to have faith that my passion will carry me through, even though i can never compare to the other fantastically smart & hardworking lit s students. literature seems so ever amazing! :) i really felt like crying, strangely, to know that i can become so much alive in a class in arts (THANK god i never once contemplated sciences!!), where reason and logic stand for nothing, and truths are anything but absolute. i still think the sciences are important, but it just seems so completely incapable of bringing a class of 20 alive with such passion for a play that's been literally dead for a few centuries.

i shall vow to work hard for what i believe in.

the papers i got back today were really quite pleasant surprises, esp for Int'l History (nuclear arms!) & the Glass M. when i first came to jc i was completely blown away by the people who were so much better, and along the way, my confidence really dipped. but anyway today's results proved to me something: that EARLY REVISION does help. i don't know what else to say, but just that i should be very thankful that my hard work paid off.i need to figure out ways to KEEP my grades there, for they always go waay up and waay down.

toronto! :]

exhaustion

2006-03-22T19:31:00.000+08:00

it's the breaking point where you think: maybe it doesn't matter anymore.
i think: i don't want a scholarship, after all. if i do, i have to work my ass off for exceedingly excellent grades, get a stunning cca record, be full of achievements, be full of life and be liked by everyone, find time for everything else. if i do, and i can get accepted to the US/UK schools i want to apply to, then i'll be torn, because i'm now suddenly set on going to canada. either toronto / vancouver. if i do, i have to come back to a job in 4 years time. no questions. i have to come back to my family over here, survive the heat, survive the competition. obviously, i cannot imagine being anywhere AWAY from my family for a long time in my life. but would i give up a better life to come back to familiar faces?

and i know that no matter how hard i try, i can only REACH a certain limit. and of which if i fail to complete these crazy requirements, i will be extremely down in the dumps and fall into misery.

suddenly it is at this point of time that you realise you have so many choices to make. if i thought choosing to go to jc/poly, rj/vj was tough, this completely OWNS them. it's a tangible future, not anything whimsical.

i'm thinking of NTU and a BA in Communication Studies. why? yesterday i filled up that survey form, and i realised that i bloody ticked 'interested' for nearly 90% of the boxes. maybe i should REALLY go do something about media/design.

my mum read an article on toronto yesterday: 'one of the safest cities in the world' suckered her into the trap of letting me go there to study. :P the stub was pretty interesting though; i never knew that toronto was considered sister to New York. in terms of exuberance, culture, yadda, yadda.
and i confess, i NEVER knew that niagara falls was in canada. aha.

a recap of the week, in a few words:
- IS results. i'm just glad that my hardwork paid off. seeing the words 'you understand the role of a set designer, and you understand styles very well' really made me believe in the fact that yes, i can design a set. but of course i'm still very excited to find out how i can improve (the advice was completely -_-), and YES, to maybe inch towards designing Wicked. hiatus for now, though.
- aileen's bday party. happy 18th, dear. :) 3 years + and going: friendships like these make me feel completely blessed.
- other results: which are completely off my head. i doubt i'll do as i expected, but okay, a lesson in learning.
- odd strange event that happened in about 2 minutes and i got a complete fluttery feeling.
- the rain. positively amazing.
- the HIV/AIDS talk, which wasn't that enlightening, because i kind of knew everything that he mentioned, but then again, it was great because it highlighted the thoughts and views of Singaporeans regarding the issue. i feel very strongly for the cause. (especially against discrimination of homosexuals!!)
- the volunteering thing. i am literally completely excited to start out. instead of working on lessons and studies, i spend my time planning activities and crafts-to-make in my head.

and the replies:
owlballs - aha! divine intervention! (which HAS to be used when you get it, lol). aiyah i'm so subdued and no good at bashing people. but it's 50 DOLLARS / BULB! i will try to bash the kids too, then. XD
brynn - bleh. i am thinking of going to UofT instead! (grins at you). but still interested in UBC, of course. and arts one! yes if i go to UBC we shall go to watch loads of INDIE (haha) concerts! breakfast was fun, of course - done in true macdonian style. woohoo! (and yes i think so too, about aileen ;p)
aileen - stop STOP stop trying to pass your Shaun obsessions onto me! hehe.

on so, MENTAL&PHYSICAL(?) exhaustion phase 2 begins.

2006-03-19T22:22:00.000+08:00

i am suffering from chrno crusade withdrawal.
speechless. the ending was spectacular, the animation ... the last 8 episodes completely trashed the rest of the show, but they were so brilliant.
(and i love sad ending animes! for a change!)

dakishimete motto tsuyoku atataka na mune wo shinjiru yo (because i am lazy to hiragana it)
hold me tighter, i believe in your warm beating heart.

don't you just love simple, sad endings, that make everything seem so much more wonderful?

/

i realised i can't stop crying.
how pathetic! to fall for fictional characters brought alive by animation, to believe that they could be living humans, demons, for that mere few episodes ... but yet, i still feel the same sense of awe and wonder at watching anime, and indulge in it.
i might have a weak grasp on reality, but at least i have fantasies to sheid me from everything else.

1.18AM

2006-03-19T01:32:00.000+08:00

Each time I start a blog post on any of my 4 blogs (yes, I do use them differently), I always write an instinctive first line and on instinct, delete the line again.

Tomorrow's going to be Macs Breakfast Day. :) I've missed it all, the ritualistic hotcakes 2/3hours session. We could sit there forever and not talk; I am incredibly comfortable with silence (and no, I rarely stone). We could slice our hotcakes into a million pieces and pretend that we were in 2004. Back then, Macs Breakfast Day was a daily event, and not a ritual.

Sometimes you think that the world passes you by too quickly, and on hindsight, you realised that perhaps you're the one who's moved away too quickly.

I realise I've forgotten to post a public apology to Mak, my Damien Rice concert-going partner. WHAT HAPPENED?? I tried to book tickets online 5 hours after they started selling and they were completely SOLD OUT (oh okay, we just can't afford the $148 tickets) I completely blame myself. For underestimating the crowd (and whatever other reasons) - I often sound insincere but I really AM sincere. Greatest apologies to what could have been a melancholic concert going experience.

I should really be sleeping because I am NOT an early riser and smart me organised MBD to start at 930 AM. But knowing everyone, they will all appear at 10 AM.
i wish you could be here with us, too

quick update

2006-03-18T20:52:00.000+08:00

to quote a line from mikaela (dearly beloved owlballs),

-eye spasms-

it is so painful to write a TSD essay purely about set design. i am driving myself NUTS with talking about pentheus and dionysos and polarity and entrances and exits and form and structure (omg WHAT set design!?) ... you get the idea.

and if today was tiring, yesterday was even more. grawr. met up with the razzlers (saif, zihua, maria, gerry, mervyn & ashwin) despite much initial reluctance (perhaps, only saiful will understand why) and i think i gradually grew out of my shell. despite stoning quite a lot, especially at maxwell: what i was thinking of was how i'll never get to eat hawker food for perhaps the next few years, or sit down for dinner with such a splash of great food and great people at 9.00PM.

so we met up at marina bay only to discover that the steamboat place was not a go-able place, we walked to tanjong pagar (along the way i saw GREAT photo opportunities, AHHHH for not bringing my cam along, i have to make a return trip!!!) and trekked around for maxwell centre, had dinner, went to red dot design museum (oh shadiness!!) and finally down to esplanade to watch Rivermaya perform at Mosaic. Rivermaya is amazing, really - everyone from the lead vocalist to the band, who blew me away.

joke of the night:
upon discussing how the area seems to be stealthily shady, and seeing One Family KTV, i go: "oh, like that place. you go in and come out with one family."

so the evening didn't happen to be so bad, after all - sometimes i think i exaggerate circumstances or tend to think the worse of them.

okay and ms joy hou from the centre emailed me back!! :D i am so superbly excited.
i have no more energy to blog. back to essay.

after an excruciating 3 hours i am still not done. i have no idea how to 'sophia' and 'sosophryne' a set design. ack.
i am being steadily amused by tl & kh, who claim: "oh, you're on cosiety, so you can flame us." wteffingh!
... well, i dreamt of being in canada last night, and i dreamt of death. 2 deaths, in fact. and so yes death is supposed to signify a new beginning, but i've always been more superstitious about such things, so ... i'm petrified.

2006-03-17T00:37:00.000+08:00

okay the previous post in retrospect is completely strange and irrelevant, much like myself.

here's what i have to say now!!

GO VISIT BOARDGAME PARADICE, you munchkins!!!
it is FANTASTIC
and i refuse to LET IT CLOSE DOWN.

in fact, in desperation, i have even posted a post on cosiety about it (ahaha). this reminds me strangely of communities at LJ which completely hate shameless plugging.

and did i mention that Munchkins are completely hilarious!? :)
thanks mak, despite the questioning of your taste earlier on. :P

i'm doing an evil hotlinking >_< but too lazy to upload!

2006-03-16T23:41:00.000+08:00

In retrospect, I am quite a paradoxical & strange character.

I enjoy life's simple and little pleasures - nearly anything gets me quite excited and interested, but I am bogged down by the thoughts of heavy issues, and I often think that there must be more to life than enjoying what we've been given. Especially issues like poverty which irk me to no end because I realise I am completely helpless and I doubt I can make a difference.
I like living in the present, and I don't quite want to move from where I am, but I'm planning for a future.
The more I talk about how much I dislike Singapore, the more I'm starting to appreciate it better.
I hate conflicts, but I hate unresolved issues even worse.
I am often an idealist at heart: but yet, a cynic in reality.
I readily admit that if not for my lack of command of Mandarin, I'll probably take it up as a 1st language (or Japanese) I just think that oriental languages are so much more amazing and sound completely beautiful.
For a female, I actually dislike shopping. Especially window shopping, which I find is completely pointless because what's the point of shopping for things that you don't get to buy in the end?!
I like to think that I can be kind and nice, but then again, I'm reminded of Angelo and dissimulation. For I believe strongly that Mankind is NOT altruistic.

-

So, the MUNCHKINS have been borned out of the Munchkin cardgame at Boardgame Paradise. Things that I have to say about this issue: Well everything is ABOUT choices, and choices are inevitably value-laden. This applies to ALL IMPLICIT and EXPLICIT choices. Objectivity does not exist. I for one strongly feel that as much as we can show that we are altruistic and nice and kind, naivety goes a short way. Mankind is NOT altruistic! I'll even go as far as to say that perhaps all that we do is for our own selfish reasons and survival, not interdependence. I'll EVEN go as far as to say that I think even friends are made for purely own motives, covered over with nice flowery pretenses. Yes, maybe there are exceptions. But, it's time we all grow up, for you can only believe in these exceptions to a certain amount of time. In the real world, no one is going to bother about trampling all over your feelings. Why do I know this? Of course, WORKING in the real world opens you up to things like these. Trust me, it's a dog-eat-dog world out there.

Often, I refuse to speak up at conflicts, because I think speaking up gives you a form of complete irrationality and emotions take over rationality situation.

Okay I'm being cynical. Especially so because I haven't got a reply from the volunteering person in charge yet!! Yes, I finally worked up the courage to email that lady about volunteering, and I was really looking forward to receiving her reply. ):

And a reply to tags:

Mak: Hurray, Damien Rice partner! :)
Brynn: YES!! Grrgraww. Haha, okay I'm not TOO disappointed. Just would like to go watch but it's okay if I can't. And I really really wish you could have seen our big brothers grow up and look swanky in their OCS uniforms!! ):
Karmun: !! :) I got the Wild Rice brochures a few days ago (heh I'm on their mailing list) Hmm somewhere before April ends?? Heh.
Aileen: You sound you're obsessed with Shaun, you know. Sheesh. XD And anyway, it DOESN'T MAKE a difference if I think Shaun looks especially good in his uniform OR not. -makes a face- That's so yesterday!!

2006-03-15T18:01:00.000+08:00

ADVERTISING:

17, female, desperately wanting to watch the following (expensive) shows:

MUSICALS
Westside Story - Broadway
Aspects of Love - Andrew Lloyd Webber (yesyes the guy who wrote Phantom of the Opera!)

DRAMA
The Magic Fundoshi

CONCERTS
~~Kings of Convenience~~ boo =(
~~Damien Rice~~ yay thanks Mak!! :D all other damien rice obscure fans are also welcome to join us! woohoo

... and looking for company! If you're interested to watch any of the following please let me know! I will gladly book tickets, make arrangements, make sure we don't get lost ...

Oh, I don't know. Desperation.

-

So I went over for a quick sleepover at Aur's house and ended up on a movie marathon instead of our arcade-simpang-kbox itinery. But I finally got to watch Perhaps Love (which was quite confusing actually, but the music and Takeshi alone is worth the watch!), Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the Wererabbit (CRACK FUNNY! I don't think I've laughed that much ever) & Waterboys (yes I know, a bit too late, but oh SYNCHRO & SUZUKI! watching guys doing synchro swimming is so brilliant, and the show was really heartwarming). Slept at 4AM after a bit of games and watching Hikaru no Go, went to Changi Airport to get SUBWAY but was disappointed to find out it closed down -_- ... and yes, yes, so many other things.

2006-03-14T11:33:00.000+08:00

today's a day for melancholy, and songs of the same type.
out of nothing else to post while i sit here typing my lit essay, i shall talk about songs.

SONGS THAT ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC FOR SUCH A DAY
duncan sheik's half life.
dreamz fm's should i stay
gabrielle's out of reach.

...

i shall add to it when i listen to more of such songs.

2006-03-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

I'm strangely, increasingly writing entries that seem more raw by the second, pouring my heart and soul into them, and nearly half churning them into complete emo pieces that I strove to avoid. Sometimes writing exorcises the ghosts, but other times, I think it just drags up the memories, which are inevitable unpleasant and for some, heart-wrenching.

Today had been a fun day. I can't explain it more than I can now, at present state of complete lethargy. The seminar was mostly quite informative, the food was pretty good, the conversations were interesting, the trek around NTU made me more convinced not to go there, the journey home was so full of MRT sightings like HDB flats, small talk and discovering the West.

I think perhaps I have glossed over the past 1 year of my life. And I will sadly probably continue to do so.

Did you know that the different HDB estates in Singapore have different forms of architecture? :)

I honestly didn't think that I might miss Singapore, but the odd truth is that I'm already beginning to do so, as if my fate was sealed. (probably by myself). I'm starting to see Singapore in a different way and be more appreciative of our country

as if memories will suffice for the homesickness and heartaches that i might face

On another note, I think, maybe, UofT over UBC. I don't know why, especially since I've been so anxious to get to UBC, because I actually do know people there.
I don't know what to think anymore.

http://community.livejournal.com/letterstolovers/

Another of my Post Secrets / So Close kind of websites, the sort that make you sieve through the entries and feel like you want to bawl your eyes out in recognition of understanding what their going through. I am a PROUD SOPBOX. I shall admit it. I like crying, so deal with it.
I need my Disney Channel fix so ever badly.
(and the courage to work with 5 essays)

and lastly, I have created a new blog, which marks the birth of my 4th blog in 2 years. I ALWAYS knew I could never stay still at a single place. But well, that is entirely completely private, so I will remain here.

Play-by-Play: REVIEW

2006-03-12T22:26:00.000+08:00

I have done it once again, OUTRIGHT bitching about Singaporean instituitions on Subjectif, and I'll be damned if I get flamed again. Actually, I can't be bothered anymore. BEHOLD WRITERS' RIGHTS!

Okay. Enough.

So the past few days REALLY did pass in a flurry. I can barely recall my own set design presentation, which was a mind-blowingly boring 30 minutes monologue for those who don't understand set.

And for more mind-blowing theatre: the DSes that I actually had time to watch, Sound pieces, other Set Design pieces (WHEE scenographers), Acting, Costume, the one and only LIGHTING piece done by fantastic OWLBALLS!, Mask, Movement ... so much to take in, so more space to be amazed. I can truly believe that I love TSD, and I love theatre in all its aspects: no matter where I will be in the future, I will always continue to treasure this part of me that has been made alive by it. Even if I stop doing theatre work. THE EXAMS WERE SO EXCITING AND FANTASTIC! It's brilliant knowing your peers are so awfully talented, and that all of us can create such beauty together - somehow the fact that maybe you're not as good slides away.

I can never talk about theatre enough, or find words to express myself, or even pictures to do the job. So the memory will, I suppose suffice for now.

-

I went down yesterday with Aileen to SAFTI to watch Jerm's Commissioning Parade! Despite travelling all over the HUGE CAMPUS, and bitching about NS etc in loud overtones IN FRONT OF NS MEN, and surprisingly meeting Shaun and embarrasing ourselves in front of him, I really enjoyed myself. The drills!! I MISS FOOTDRILLS. :( And the ending scene was just spectacular, I only wish I had whipped out my camera earlier. So yes, I admit that guys in uniforms look VERY good (just for Aileen's benefit: ALL of them look good!), and congrats to Jeremy! One year of hell is over. Aha.

(But seriously, the SAFTI MI looked like a holiday resort. o_o I guess OCS is really one of the best places to be.)

Suddenly, seeing Jerms and Shaun in uniforms and being all formal and 20 made me feel so young again - as if that the two years never passed, and we were always the 16 year olds hanging out in Macs, and having fun with the rest of the gang, and that they were our 18 year old big brothers, tutoring us, and being there for us. It felt so great to be able to come home to people who I loved so much, honestly.

2006-03-08T23:31:00.000+08:00

- FLOOD OF SMILEY FACES, GRINNING FACES, all sorts of different HAPPY faces.

So my set's not completely done, and my journal looks okayishlybleagh, but I'm very very tired to care - I think I have given my best, and if the best results in a good grade, then all the better, if not then I guess there's always a next time! (so says the perfectionist on things like set)

BUT WHATEVER LAH. I AM TIRED. I have a set. I have something to talk for about 45 mins - 1 hour (WHEW, great great relief - thank goodness I practised!), I've been sleeping at -_- hours every night switching between journal and model, printing enough journal pages to kill at least 1 tree, missed CSI (ohmy!), and yes

going to take my exam tomorrow.

all are welcome to watch, but honestly, set bores people who don't love it the way we do. HURHUR.

goodluck to everyone else! this has been a greatly bimbotic and boastful post. exciting tsd jibes starting again -

2006-03-06T14:16:00.000+08:00

I feel somewhat vulturistic, eating up nearly all of what's left of my life, and churning all these energies into work that may look productive now but in time will come to be just another model on the desk, or journal in my cupboard. It's strange how everything changes with time. I feel like I should be out there in the sun running, blading, or doing something that makes me appreciate life even more - especially with what happened - but yet I find an unexplainable committment with creating my set, and sadly, it's turning out to be more of a chore, more of a "get the grade" thing than anything else now.

-

I couldn't sleep for the whole of last night, the same sensations of numbness and fear when my Granddad died took over again, even though I didn't know you at all, I can still remember your face.
At 3AM I woke up and turned the lights on - sometimes darkness is comforting, but for most times, fear-worthy: I was really really afraid that it might completely consume me, especially with those thoughts, I suddenly recalled how one of my mum's friend's sister-in-law just passed away in her sleep without notice - and I thought that could happen to me, to anyone. So I feared sleeping, and I just stared at the bright ceiling for one whole hour, trying to let thoughts of set design fill my mind but to no avail.
At 4AM I turned on the radio, listened to Class 95, set it on for 1 1/2 hour and tried to sleep. But those love songs only seemed to make everything worse.
At 5AM I set my radio on for another 1 1/2 hour, and I think I must have felt asleep, for the next time I awoke was at 9.55AM, just 5 minutes before my alarm clock went off.

On Arcades & Kenny Rogers' & K-Box

2006-03-05T12:02:00.000+08:00

Outdated Post -

On Friday Aur came over and helped me loads with set design. For that I am incredibly thankful :) And amazed still, at how our friendship surpasses the whole jc-poly thing and the quarrel X times in a month issues. I suppose we really have K to thank for the mediator, seeing as to how we're always the two involved in conflicts, from IR (oh BLATANT stupidity in retrospect HAHA!) to now. You know they often say that in a trio two out of three are always closer, but I think that even if Aur and I are the closer friends out of the 3, I love spending time with both of time, in different ways, and I am incredibly glad that we're a trio of friends who's so different and yet together. These people may have been my very best secondary school friends, really.

But enough about the sopstory. So anyway we went down to Marina Square to eat Kenny Rogers! :D :D MACARONI AND CHEESE. GOSH. It was quite funny, classic-us style for we walked practically the whole of Marina to decide in the end that yes, we shall go back to eat Kenny Rogers. Then after that we went looking around stores a little and suddenly chanced upon THE ARCADE.

Now I am a huge arcade fan. :) Or was, perhaps, now that Bishan's one has been reduced to a sad pathetic room beside NTUC. I love the arcade! I only wish that Albert didn't leave before we meet up for he was supposed to teach me how to dance Para Para (haha, yes, I do think that Para Para dancers are amazing.)

So we started playing all the old-school arcade games: BISHI BASHI!! Where our palms hurt like crap hitting those three forsaken buttons to win, then she played Crazy Taxi (bwaha). Crazy Taxi is amazingly fun if you're one hell of a reckless driver; I once met one friend like that. And we played the musical ones which I failed badly, then we went back to the Bishi Bashi styled games, which was HILARIOUS. We wasted about 10 bucks on arcade, but I think that it was really pretty much worth the while because we got to recap all those primary-secondary school madness and all.

Then while walking past K-Box at 10.30, we made up our minds to sing K-Box the next time around with K. I'm a K-Box virgin: have never stepped into one before because ALL they have are Chinese liu xing ge qu, and I used to have zero command of Chinese language & songs >P. But I shall master some songs and learn them well!

Looking forward, really, to the sleepover during the March hols: K-Box, Prata @ 2AM, anime 100%, GAMES (i have successfully badly influenced Aur to play it!) and oh so much fun.

2006-03-04T23:15:00.000+08:00

head's in a major migraine status over set design.
much as i love it, the amount of work put in is ... absolutely astonishgly mad: i fear for my exams on thursday (i'm the SECOND ONE AEJKADHhsajhsakds!)

2006-03-02T10:21:00.000+08:00

I.

I miss spending one and a half hours in that small room, watching the ever quain Imanaka-sensei walk about and teach us Japanese with his funny anecdotes. How he'll take off his shoes and walk around in those familiar cubby socks that appear in every single Samurai anime I've watched. I want to go back to it all and practise conversations with the people in the class, and somehow take secret (and selfish!) pride in the fact that I can speak it well (due to great love of Japanese culture since 12!). I miss sitting at the end and waiting for Sensei to call my name as if I was Japanese : yisha-san, heh, and raising my hands up like an elementary Japanese school kid and excitedly going "Hai!".

II.

In another weird twist of events, I find myself unable to go back to Subway, or to even pass by there. It seems that often time changes alot of things; and I have no idea how they'll all be like after I've left for nearly 2 months now. Suddenly all that alone time spent in Somerset at 10 - 11pm seems so much more enjoyable in retrospect. Even though work often was pretty drab, there was a sense of odd enjoyment in washing the things, singing at work, manning the cashier counter (and eating my sandwiches!), being treated nicely by the others. Oh and how can I forget those stupid conversations! Or Bala sending me out to buy food for him. Illegal & Mundane work, of course, but enjoyable nonetheless. But no matter how tiring it was, the best perk of the day was the human interaction - once in a while I get irritated by people, especially rude ones and unreasonabe ones, but you often do meet really nice customers who ask 'How's your day?' and chat with you, and that makes it rather worthwhile. (and yes, those regular customers whose orders i've memorised -)

III.

I fantasize about alot of things, but I stop them from happening because I believe in being rational and not overstepping the boundaries and limits that we've set up around ourselves. Which is why I move in circles, or as Jerms puts it very neatly, "You have issues." So what happens if I do and I refuse to face them head on? I suppose I'll just float around, knowing that I have these problems, and delude myself into thinking that it'll be all right in the end, meanwhile suffering from silent heartbreaks and pangs of regret.

if i had all the time in the world

2006-02-28T01:30:00.000+08:00

i would go to fort canning park & mount faber, bring a bottle of red wine, my camera, ipod & books i love. i would take photographs, drink, listen to my favourite music lists and read.

i would take a trip down to all the places in singapore that you've never seen before and compile snapshots of life. i would take pictures of weird angles and the gorgeous buildings in raffles city to the rich colours of arab street.

i would spend an evening and a night at clarkequay or the beach, just watching the ships go by, or the beautiful boats bobbing up and down in the sea.

i would take a trip to scout out quaint bookshops : on my list, firstly, Books Actually.

i would go on a food trail, because i adore food.

most of all, i want to breathe and live singapore like i've never done so before, because if i ever leave, i don't know if i'll be back. if i can't have the place, i want to have memories.

solitude can be an amazingly beautiful thing; i just need to come to better terms with it. and develop a shameless camera persona.

i've never stopped loving, i've only stopped trying.

The 4400!

2006-02-27T22:08:00.000+08:00

The 4400 is COMPLETELY MIND BOGGLING! It's even more Lost-worthy than Lost, which says ALOT, really. I never used to like scientific mumbo jumbo like that but it does put forth alot of interesting things to think about (which I really, really like). Oh yay for good TV once again. I cannot wait to watch Rescue Me (the new NY Firefighters drama!!).

The time of GOOD TV IS BACK! Soon Lost will return for its 2nd season, and with Lost, CSI LV (6th season!), The 4400 & Rescue Me I shall be able to watch TV from Monday to Friday. Plus anime! (after a short and scary count yesterday I have realised that over the course of 5 years +, I have watched more or less 30 anime series of various lengths. Er, which accounts to ALOT of time, actually.)

My life shall be complete with the shows on TV. :)

This is such a rubbish post but who cares!

2006-02-26T10:21:00.000+08:00

I effectively wasted my whole studying day yesterday, but I don't really care anymore (no I'm not losing my drive, just learning how to live my life better)

For starters, I watched 2 hours of pure, unadulterated anime. WOOHOO!
Then, I watched Raven (which was hilarious, I LOVE RAVEN! totally one of the best Disney C shows), and Pirates of the Carribean for 2 and a 1/2 hours, and swooned over Johnny Depp & Orlando Bloom, while discussing how pretty Keira Knightley is with my mum.

Then I watched Sweet November.

Alongside with Sweet November, 2 of my other favourite romance films are Be With You, and City of Angels. I prefer films with sad endings, where everyone doesn't get together (though the converse is a nice situation, really), but I think films that end that way somehow seem more beautiful for me - as if love could last forever. I remembered my promise a few years ago (after watching it) to live life fully, but I don't think I've achieved it at all.

No matter how many times I watch it, I still feel the same delight in watching Nelson (Keanu Reeves) change, bit by bit, and fall in love with Sara who was so full of life ... it's just amazing. And there are so many beautiful moments in the show that it just whisks me away. I'm a romance sop-box, yes. It's even more amazing when you completely immerse yourself in the movie and feel you learn so much in return. I wish I could live a life like Sara - I think I can, and I want to, but maybe not here. In Singapore, if you live without a handphone, it's actually seen as pathetic. :/

And did you know that Chaz was actually Lucius Malfoy in Harry Potter, Michael Rosenbaum (LEX LUTHOR!) played a gay guy Brandy, and Abner was Klaus in Lemony Snickett's! :D

Enya's Only Time is stuck in my head now.
would you like to be my november?

Through A Glass, Darkly

2006-02-24T23:50:00.000+08:00

Perhaps we're sad when something is beautiful because we know it won't last forever.

We see everything in a glass, darkly. Sometimes we can peer through the glass and catch a glimpse of what is on the other side. If we were to polish the glass clean, we would see much more. But then we would not longer see ourselves.

We've always been in heaven: this is eternity. Sometimes all it takes is to look from an angel's perspective, and listen to your inner child.

Have you ever thought about how memory comes about? It seems almost magical, how you could spot one person from a crowd, someone that you've known for barely a few minutes of your life. Perhaps the atoms and molecules form memories, and everytime something important comes along they jump into place, and make you remember. Or maybe bits of memory are like actors on stage, taking turns to perform their bit, and returning to the wings till when they're next needed.

All of us are equipped with an inner eye. It is this inner eye that allows us to see our dreams, for our real eyes are closed - in our dreams, don't you find it amazing that we're both participants and audience at the same time?

How do we feel what we feel, breathe what we breathe, taste what we taste and see what we see? If you were asked to explain a sensation in words, could you do it? Or have we taken these for granted so much that we presume that all humans posess the same knowledge as we do, and can understand the same sensations we've been through? Perhaps if we pretended we were explaining all these to angels who couldn't understand anything, we would really appreciate it more.

I really enjoy reading Gaarder and those little bite-size theories on philosophy - it's been 2 years since I've caught onto the magic of his works (from Sophie's World), and I still find the great process of learning and questioning interesting. And as usual, I teared towards the end. I think, that in the end, what I truly enjoy is the imagination trip he takes you through. Not all the world and its workings have to be explained methodically and scientifically, really.

2006-02-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

King's College - Rated 1st in UK to find a life partner.
I love going for uni talks - filled with so much life and possibilities, it's amazing! And when you talk to the people who come down you're completely blown away by them.
UK is so brilliant! I'm really spoilt for choice between UK (King's Col, UCL) US (Brown+a few more) & Canada (UBC! & UoT). Being at the cultural centre of London. *_* It's a little sad / not though, to find out that Imperial College is SO science-dominated. So it's down to UCL and King's for me, then.
I'm very persuaded by persuasive advertising. & goodlooking & charming people who come down to promote their universities (yes, that includes girls too)
~~The King's College guy is SO goodlooking! Hani would disagree, but do we care about her?~~
I really need to fulfil the 'get down to work and produce muggertoad grades' part though.

-

Isn't it strange how you can start a day thinking about someone you've lost contact with, and then in a matter of a few days, that person contacts you back?
Or that a bunch of people stare at you and you can't help wondering/wishing that it's the one person you want to see?

But then again, it is such things that make life interesting.

off my head, right now

2006-02-22T23:41:00.000+08:00

(a studying-oriented post)

I gave up watching Brokeback yesterday for supposed studying, but when I went home I started OBSESSIVELY playing 02JAM! I must really try to be more disciplined than I am already. Either that, or temporary destroy my computer (oxymoron!) because everytime I switched it on I do 3 things: blog-surfing/blogging + read Cosiety + 02Jam/RanOnline.

Uni plans are on hold, though I'm really excited for the LSE + Imperial + King's Col + UCL fair this Saturday! Have decided to JUST go get brochures and ask a gazillion questions, because I should really spend more time on studying.

Set designing goes full steam tomorrow! If you think you've got it bad with just Common Tests, try being a TSD student. Try having your A LEVEL PRELIMS just ONE week after Common Test, and try complaining again. :/ Not that I hate TSD because of that; the rush is mad, but I just love doing what I enjoy slogging for.

History S Presentation tomorrow! FInally everything comes to an end - Ching, Gen, have really enjoyed working with you guys! :)

I feel so old suddenly. The greatest gift of being a child is the belief that everyday is as beautiful as the last, and the next. Sometimes I go to the CC, and without familiar faces around there to accompany me, or the old study gang, or the new influx of the secondary school people - I miss the past dearly. It seems like just yesterday that I was 15, and when I talked to online friends of 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18, and now in a flash we've all grown up so quickly. It seems like just yesterday that I was 16, where I studied more for the fun rather than for proper studying (those days spent gossiping, playing at the playground and going to J8), where Macs became my second home to me. It just feels so great where you walk into a place and feel like you've known these people for life, and you think they're going to be with you, at least for a very long time. Now at school I don't get any of that anymore; at the very best, I see people that I treasure and feel like I've known for ages, and I suppose that's good enough.

off my head, right now

2006-02-22T23:37:00.000+08:00

(a studying-oriented post)

I gave up watching Brokeback today for supposed studying, but when I went home I started OBSESSIVELY playing 02JAM! I must really try to be more disciplined than I am already. Either that, or temporary destroy my computer (oxymoron!) because everytime I switched it on I do 3 things: blog-surfing/blogging + read Cosiety + 02Jam/RanOnline.

Uni plans are on hold, though I'm really excited for the LSE + Imperial + King's Col + UCL fair this Saturday! Have decided to JUST go get brochures and ask a gazillion questions, because I should really spend more time on studying.

Set designing goes full steam tomorrow! If you think you've got it bad with just Common Tests, try being a TSD student. Try having your A LEVEL PRELIMS just ONE week after Common Test, and try complaining again. :/ Not that I hate TSD because of that; the rush is mad, but I just love doing what I enjoy slogging for.

History S Presentation tomorrow! FInally everything comes to an end - Ching, Gen, have really enjoyed working with you guys! :)

Operation: Self-Assured Destruction

2006-02-21T19:30:00.000+08:00

Proceed.

--

HUGE HUGE NEWS CONCERNING TSD ARE COMING YOUR WAY TMR! Gosh, it's going to be SUCH A WHAM IN THE FACE. O_O!
so exciting, though!

Things Worth Mentioning

2006-02-19T22:25:00.000+08:00

I'm very behind in my work. WHATEVER happened to determination and dilligence? Please return to me.

I'm quite worried for set design. Actually, worry is an understatement. I have no journal, barely 1 act worth of designing, and I can foresee all the questions being thrown and me and I get bombed. RED ALERT.

I'm sick again, went to the doctor who spent about 20 minutes talking to me about scholarships and encouraging me to go for overseas (or not?). Anyway so I've been taking my meds regularly, then today, I went jogging after my mugathon and I nearly fainted on half my route. It must have been the meds + Ice Milk Tea + jogging while I was sick. I suddenly got severe gastritis cramps which REMINDED me of the ones I got in Cedar during my Geog exam, which left me nearly disabled because I couldn't walk for about half an hour. Then I had to stumble around and I somehow managed to get to a toilet nearby, where I retched in the toilet for about 15 minutes (and blacked out once for a few seconds) and left feeling even MORE lightheaded. Thank god, really, I was jogging a different route today, a route which had MORE toilets. If I was jogging on my usual route I think I would have really collapsed and fainted.

Of course, none of that went back to my mum, because I'm quite sure if it did she would have slaughtered me twice over.

Anyway the point I wanted to make was that some Singaporeans can be so nasty! I was as white as a sheet and on the verge of fainting, and I realised there was no toilet paper in the stupid toilet, so I went out and tried to ask for some in a near-puke & looking very sickly situation/ The lady boss asked me what I wanted, and when I politely requested for tissue, she asked me for money - obviously I wouldn't CARRY CASH WHEN I'M RUNNING! gah! She gave me this very disgusted look and walked away. Thank god for that little Indian boy who spared me 20c and that kind Uncle who wanted to give me the tissues without it, but I gave him the 20c anyway.

I've a sudden fear of jogging now, really.

History S is driving me absolutely mad, the ideas don't seem to flow! Revision is going okay. Marginally, okay. And (something happened!) that made my dreams seem so possible than ever. Now all I have to do is work my ass off. :]

What are Words:

2006-02-18T11:28:00.000+08:00

but a dance between pen and paper
but a dance between inspiration and creativity
but a dance between the muses and self
but a dance between the writer, and her craft

but a pure magical creation of a world only meant for some, or one, or all?

-

I could go on forever, about the beauty of writing (rather ironic, actually). So here's a new layout because I keep getting bored of my old ones, not that I loved them any lesser: just thought that I should revert back to the simple ones like these.

-

A few things have been bothering me, such as possibly being stalked (for lack of a better term) by someone who I don't know. He oddly messaged me on Thursday, and when that number didn't register with me, I messaged back to ask who he was. Which led him to reply that he didn't know who I was, and I introduced myself.
On Friday, out of curiosity and some annoyance, I tried asking him who he was, but he kept avoiding the question, and repeated that he was not going to message me anymore, and he deleted my number. He says that he sees me around when I study ( BIG FREAK OUT TIME ) and that he's always there, thinking of me - and that I know him from my past, but I probably forgot who he was. Nicola more or less forced me to call him back but he didn't pick up and rejected my calls.

Now this is ODD. In the first place, the only two places I openly mug at are VJ's library + the CC study room - based on the way he types, I hardly think he could be a JC student. And I don't think anyone would notice me in VJ library anyway. Plus, the number of people at the CC have dwindled by alot. There's only a few people in the past I can remember seeing, but I have all their numbers (unless they changed it?). I called Aileen to ask about it, but she didn't remember anyone like that too. I feel really terrified - suddenly it seems that I'm back to Sec 4, with the YC fiasco, the whol stalking business and of guys who make moves like lightning, and I vow to Aileen that I will never, ever go there alone. The CC study room does have quite a lot of psychos. :/ As proven by the past 3 years I've been there.

And the fact that I think Hamlet is a BRILLIANT PLAY.
And how improvs (despite me not being able to improv very well) are very fun.
And how I've regained inspiration for SET DESIGNING! :D

Photos on a Windy Day

2006-02-16T22:40:00.000+08:00

For me, few things perk up a VJ day. Yes, I still like VJ alot indeed. No, I don't regret coming here at all. Really.

Well so today I popped by the concourse to have my photo taken - in a pretty bad state, I must admit. Ever since I broke two collarpins (=P) I've stopped wearing them because I refuse to pay anymore $1.50s. So I was queueing up behind Mike and laughing about the photo shoot. Then I got to the seat, and the photo guy had to tell me probably ten times to tilt my head this way and that.

Wind #1 came. We paused for about 3 minutes.

Cue tilt heads, him asking me to pose, smile. Takes two shots.

Wind #2 came.

Cue previous.

Miss Goh discovered (GASP!) that I had not buttoned my first button (coughs), comes over and more or less makes me do it. Tells me to adjust my shirt to straighten it, sit up right and all.

Cue previous.

Wind #3.

FINALLY, two decent shots (or so believed by the photog guy). It was hilarious for me - I kept laughing nonstop, I think the teachers were all quite amused (hopefully) or annoyed that I was hogging the seat. And the photog guy must have been so !! :) I felt like a freaking model on parade, which only testified to the fact of my lack of photogenic abilities and a tendency to freeze up in front of the camera, as well as how much the camera really likes me. Either way, I had a really enjoyable moment.

On another note: my computer has broken down for the 1001th time (Aur can testify to this!) of my 17th years of existence. I swear it's the fengshui, either that, or my computer is really sick. It has a habit of dying on one day and after a night nap, it miraculously discovers. Or maybe it genuinely hates work (like me! :D) - I was trying to work on History S, and it collapses. It NEVER seems to collapse when I play my games, or watch anime. -_-

So with a tone of finality and sadness I proclaim that I am going to give up on my computer. I probably will be getting a laptop, because it makes more sense to pay for something that I need in the future anyway, rather than keep fixing my computer (these 2 years alone, I've fixed it about 8 times, which is about $8 x 100 = $800 incurred) and having it spoil again.

2006-02-14T23:39:00.000+08:00

and all your dreams disintegrate into dust
and what you've been working for, selling your life and soul for
seems to come to nought.

sometimes i think that after all that postive self-feedback and ego boosting that i'm not worth it, afterall,
or i'm never going to make it despite how hard i try or how much i want to.

=(

2006-02-14T00:06:00.000+08:00

I am oddly quite happy, though completely not in the mood for giving, or anything else like that. So I shall be Scrooge, for tomorrow. Ha, eat that, Valentines' Day. Over at J8 earlier on I was making snide remarks about how people often are quite !!!, why succumb to the whole novelty of buying gifts, and even so, on the DAY BEFORE THE FESTIVAL?? Was throwing alot of people dirty looks as they crowded around the Valentines' Day card section in Precious Moments.

Grow up, dearly beloved.
It doesn't take a day for you to appreciate someone, do it everyday of your lives.

I may be cynical, but I think I make sense.

/

WATCHED THE HALFPIPE women's race which was seemingly SO MUCH MORE EXCITING! The Gold medallist of fantastic 19 years of age (so is Shaun White, as well) had a fantastic run, with really really nice amplitude and rotations. It's a huge pity that I don't think we're physically able to cap 1080s, so 900s are quite nice to watch. You can nearly feel the adrenaline PUMPING :D as they whoosh down the halfpipe and fly up at the edges to do spectacular tricks, and at the end when they whoosh into the final area with seeming confidence.

MUST LEARN TO SNOWBOARD IF GIVEN THE CHANCE!

/

MONSTER FREAKS ME OUT. Why do I even succumb to watching it!?!?
UBC and UoT seems suddenly, so much more brighter choices than Brown or something else.
The one thing I was proud of today (two actually, well):
# Running the lighthouse distance with Nicola!
# Actually, successfully, sitting down to mug History and churn out notes.

Yes laugh all you want and make me feel bad for mugging. But I'm not going to let you stop my dreams, oh no, especially not you.

WINTEROLYMPICS!06

2006-02-12T22:19:00.000+08:00

Gosh Winter Olympics are SO EXCITING! I just spent 2 hours watching the Mens' Halfpipe and Downhill. AHHH!! The skills were amazing! Especially the Halfpipe! Just after one hour of watching Halfpipe I've learnt most of the terminology, so it's amazing when I can match them to the skills shown.

And Gold medallist Shaun (Shawn?) White WAS SPECTACULAR((:

If I ever get to Vancouver -BIGCHEESYGRIN I get to watch Winter Olympics 2010 in Vancouver! Woohoo.
And yes, learn how to SKI & SNOWBOARD!

2006-02-11T16:03:00.000+08:00

OH YES AND A CEDARIAN HAS EMERGED AS THE TOP SCORER FOR O LEVELS!
youcantimaginehowproudiam.
as an ex-cedarian.
how i miss the blue-grey uniform&school culture!

and thus,

2006-02-11T15:57:00.000+08:00

my cycle of productivity once again DECREASES. i have been stuck on the imperialism essay from 1pm today till now, it's strangely mortifying when I try to recall what I had planned out for today.

Imperialism Essay
Nuclear Arm Essay
History S write up!

OH DEAR.

-

yesterday i went with auddy to study in canada fair and was quite psyched + excited. especially at university of alberta! gosh the representatives were SO full of enthusiasm and the guy in charge took japanese studies!! it was like a dream come true, of sorts. then we sat down at BK @ wheelock to look at all the beautiful universities and gush over them.

i cannot wait for university! i cannot stop saying this.
goodbye to repressed singapore, which has NUS, which does not even come close to offering what i want to do! PAH!
the sooner the better.

anyway after much research today i think i'll not go to U of A, despite it's AMAZING GORGEOUSNESS & West Edmonton mall (with 800 shops + WATERPARK!). i talked to brynn earlier about UBC which sounds OODLES OF EXCITEMENT and promises much cold weather + snowboarding; that, i dearly would love to try. i'm still going to apply to uk/us though (can't wait for the other fairs!), but canada is suddenly a very eligible choice, because of the less pricey education + overseas culture and all.

tourism vancouver. isn't it how dreams fade off and recreate themselves, in different ways?

2006-02-09T23:16:00.000+08:00

Emo is back in the house.
Cheer-Up Potion: Hot Chocolate, anywhere. Island Creamery ice-cream (pineappe tarts). Stargazers.
I feel like screaming sometimes.

++++ : I finished my recreative essay in 1 1/2 hours. Talk about amazing productivity.
Canada Fair tomorrow + Taka Basement food!
Best of LUCK to all Year Ones! (:

random PLUGS OF THE DAY

2006-02-08T23:42:00.000+08:00

# owlballs and her blog! go find it yourself, grr.
# http://fealasy.deviantart.com/ - DAer Fealasy. amazing political mruals / cartoons or whatever. for the !!! time in my life, i wish i could draw. SERIOUS TALENTED DRAWING. T_T
# sudden reiteration - stargazers are really, really nice! during my mono last year i was in a place with STARGAZERS and i spent most of my 'mono shots' taking them instead of self and mono set. ;p can't believe everyone likes ridiculously old fashioned roses. give me grass any day. or stargazers! :) the name itself sounds gorgeous.
# a diploma in visual art and design, much fancied. since i like messing around with digital stuff so much i might as well go learn it proper, add it to my portfolio, and then i can freelance for advertising.

2006-02-08T21:03:00.000+08:00

true believers.
-gives a cryptic smile and blinks at all!

i'm glad we made it, in the end. thank goodness that the positive reviews more or less superceded the horrible flaws that we anticipated which will drag our piece down. it's not perfect, but good enough.
surprises : mik's song (haha!) receiving amazing feedback! they thought we had a pretty good grasp on our style and issues, and did comedy pretty nicely.
YAY!
and we're staying
and we're doing COMEDY (even the teachers felt like we should do comedy, so that really speaks volume for us, in terms of being together as a group)
and we may be doing something new and more exciting!

but to the rest, if you're even feeling down, don't ever give up on your theatre, because theatre is perhaps everything. remember grades only give you temporary highs, but in the end, the magic of it will shine through if you believe in it.

Insanity?

2006-02-07T23:46:00.000+08:00

This is mad, but you know, I think I might have refound a liking (am using this term very loosely) for Econs. I suddenly find that knowing what to put into an Econs essay as exciting as figuring out the pieces in a puzzle and where they all go! :) Perhaps I might have a shot at an A for Econs - still need to work VERY much harder, but it's reassuring to know that I might get there.

Results tomorrow, oh anticipation, the thrill of anticipation.

What's Left To Do

Econs Essay (75%)

Lit, Re-Creative

History: Imperialism

All sorts of nonsensical readings, and START WORK ON HISTORY S PRESENTATION (god!), Set DESIGN, COMMON TESTS.

I can get there! I think, I hope, I believe.

Today was one of those annoying days that fate played tricks on me. In view of a long bus ride home from the Esplanade, I chose to take the MRT instead of the bus with Yeek. Who knows, the MRT ghost caught me again (thankfully, none of this has happened on my work days) - there was a train malfunction, and I got trapped between the tunnels for quite a long period of time, battling a starving stomach and annoying couples who held on to each other for dear life (sour grapes? heh, maybe.?). Thank goodness for iPod and music.

Flashback to other MERT incidents:
#1. Caught in the last train (or so?) with K, I think, after 2004's Ballet Under The Stars (speaking of which, I wonder when is it showing again this year, am rather excited to watch it because I simply really like walking around in Singapore)
#2. The recent incident last year of the elderly man fainting in the train

Then when I came out I waited for another 15 minutes for the buses to arrive; I was lazy and I didn't really wanted to walk the 5 minutes distance back home. After that 15 minutes I got off and walked home in frustration - halfway to my house, I saw 156 (bus that goes to my house!) and 88 (bus that goes to my house!) WHIZ by. Talk about ill-fate.

Other lofty, long-term goals:

Have resolved to be a camera whore (no, not in that way) and put my camera to good use. I've always toyed with the idea of creating a small and undoubtedly very unprofessional portfolios of relics of Singapore, so I'm going to bring my camera wherever I go, and start snapping away. Not any of those people shots, though, unless they make a point, because often I find that having people and the bustle and hustle in a picture takes the focus of attention away from the pure beauty of the environment, the surroundings, and everything. I shall try to make titled collections (HAH!).

VOLUNTARY WORK! I still haven't found an ideal organisation. Something kids-like / youth-like? I really, really need to break out of the selfish mentality and be less of a selfish person and GIVE! Put my currently swimming in deep skunk and worthless life to good use. I'm interested in actually creating a new programme to teach English (for fun!), but as my ideas are adapted from the Morris Allen way of learning English (which is VERY EFFECTIVE, my sister grew from a computer 100% geek to a near-bibliophile like me), I don't think it's feasible. Have no CAPITAL and am very likely to get SUED. Alternatively, I could teach Drama / Theatre (but for what, ha, I'm not even remotely good at it!), or reading, or ARTS AND CRAFTS! Surprise, surprise. For someone so clumsy, I actually like doing crafts. :) If you know of any avenues, I would be eternally grateful for the plugs.

UK/US-bound 2007, but of course. Should start proper scouting and studying and figuring out how to get there and how to adapt there.

Japanese : what a complete failure, I have nearly forgotten all of my Japanese conversational terms. Maybe I'll pick that up after the As and seriously work at it. :) (that goes for guitar as well!)

on TSD and why i LOVE it (now)

2006-02-06T22:32:00.000+08:00

Perhaps I know why it is man alone who laughs: He alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Groups officially (or not very, depending on how you look at it) ended yesterday. Yesterday was a day of euphoria, of all-time highs, the fiascos from Mik & I at the sink to Vern's losing of $6 bucks, to Island Creamery & Holland V Crystal Jade. I guess there are some things that we are obviously not satisfied with, in terms of our performance, but I guess it's good enough for us, it's good enough for now. We also had Lofty's celebration PARTY! Which made me tear (yes, I'm a sop-box), especially when he said that even though his children were away in London and South Africa, he's got us as a family. I never truly appreciated him till groups began, till that night he stood up for us against the security guard, taking all the possible blame on him, and then I remember the boasters, the funny lectures, him on his bike, the potluck at Mandarin Gardens, and I think, yes, I've got another family. Even if I gave up quite a lot of friendships, an inhumane amount of time and (social!) life away, I think it's worthwhile to have one Lofty and one Mr Young and one Mrs Low and (soon to be?) one Uncle Albert, a lifetime of support, new friendship, fun, and beyond all, family love. I can't picture TSD without Lofty - it seems impossible, but I think, he really, perhaps need a rest, after labouring over us for so many years. It's just sad, but reassuring to think that he stayed just for our batch, and to that extent, we will do our best to show him that we're worth the while.

Makes all those superficial friendships that look chummy on the outside but nothing on the inside look pathetic, really. I truly believe in theatre now - I may screw up, but there will always be someone there to pick me up again. It is with this support and everything else that I finally come to understand what the seniors meant that school without TSD was nothing, a completely empty shell of what was supposed to be but never became. Amazing. I can honestly say that sometimes I feel sorry for you because you never will understand how it is, the blood and sweat spent, the (yes), coming back on weekends and our holidays to work on theatre, because you really never can comprehend such profound absurdity till you're in it.

I fell in love with you not because you were the person of my dreams, but because you thought I was worth saving. It might have been my saving grace - for a while I thought it was a testimony to everything I was a failure at, but I think I can safely accept that and move on, and believe that like everyone else, I am worth saving in TSD. I am worth the while.

2006-02-06T18:07:00.000+08:00

You spend an entire lifetime looking for what you don't have, or what you've been missing. You mold the people around you to become beings of what you think you lack; mothers, parents, try to churn out attributes in their children that they themselves lacked, pinning hopes on them. You try to become a person that he would love more than you love him, changing your way of life, patterns of speech, everything. But then you fail to realise that what you're missing isn't the 'should-have-beens'. It is not about the impossible chance meeting of a soulmate, it is not about never being able to get the desired iPod, or the perfect family. When it all boils down to the simplicities, it's about what you always had, but never cherished.

-

Oh yes, and I forgot to add that it is truly heartbreaking when you fail to consider the other side of things.

-

OH HELL YES. If you have HBO, I command you to watch City of Angels. Which is happening some time (today/tomorrow/somegod-forsakenday) and CSI Season 6. WATCH IT, DAMN YOU! I think it was only after City of Angels that I truly appreciated Iris for what it was worth, instead of loving it just because it had 'emo' lyrics, or something. Completely beautiful.

2006-02-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

Since you didn't know:
I actually am an intensely wrathful person. I have a huge and ugly temper, only that [a] it doesn't last long and [b] I am extremely good at concealing it, or I have turned into a pacifist and I really, really, try to avoid confrontation because it's very troublesome. So I don't lose my temper. End of case.

look at the stars, look how they shine for you - sometimes only the stars seem dependable. things like friendship and love wavers - one day you could be best friends, another you could have your heartbroken. so why try when you know that there's never going to be a happy ending? sometimes i like to wander off into my own world and picture you, somedays i think maybe you'll say that we could have been friends, other days i wake up and know it's not going to happen.

Flaming Constructive Criticism 101

2006-02-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

Often I wonder about blogging: if blogging entitles you to your own way of thought (provided, of course, we're not talking about big issues like racial cleansing and all) - why do alot of bloggers get flamed? Of course you might be annoyed or you might disagree with one blogger's way of thoughts, but I don't think that it is quite a fair basis for you to discredit that blogger, just because of your own opinions and not taking into account the entire situations.

Surely, if you are at the stage of being so annoyed that you wish to flame the particular author, it would be constructive to do 'flaming' in an objective manner. During the last History S session we discussed the topic of whether objectivity can truly be obtained, but in this context, let us assume that it can be. By constructive flaming (not a very defined area), I would like to suggest that perhaps you do not let your own emotions get in the way (this can be better defined as constructive criticism, actually) -

Positive Example:

I don't really like the way you use sarcasm in your writing - it sounds a little too offensive, maybe you could be mindful of that?

To which I will gladly respond: Thanks for your positive criticism. I offer my apologies that you were offended by it, and I will surely try to be more mindful, especially when the blog has a huge target audience (assuming your blog is quite popular).

And the Negative Example:

Your attitude sucks, and I think your writing sucks as well - since you're so stupid you SHOULDN'T even be commenting about other people. Beware of retribution!!! ( now this, fellow friends, is FLAMING - highly discouraged )

To which I will gladly respond: (a string of unintelligible words)

When it comes to flaming, you have to realise a few things.

#1. ALWAYS DO YOUR RESEARCH. If you happen to flame, say, some established blogger who actually writes under a pseudonym, that can't really reflect very well on you. Jealousy might be the better adjective to describe your actions, rather than self-righteousness.

#2. ALWAYS DO YOUR RESEARCH. Again, if the writer writes on a SUBVERSIVE / UNDERGROUND blog and writes an satirical entry (which could be done for fun / jest), it is perhaps a good idea not to go to him / her and say : "OMG YOU!!! HOW CAN YOU WRITE SUCH POLITICALLY INCORRECT BLOG ENTRIES??" Kind of like self-defeating purpose, y'know, plus it really does show that all you're interested in is to push forth your own ideals (which might not be correct, anyway).

Example: If you've ever been to Museum of Twits, you should know that THEIR BLOG holds a satirical view of bimbos / ahlians / ah huas (and the works) and HENCE you should use your user discretion. If you know it's about that (after you've done research, perhaps), and you still continue to flame them (OMG YOU ARE SO MEAN AND BITCHY!! WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO SAY SUCH THINGS?!) I think strongly, then, stupidity.

#3. You should NEVER make it personal. Remember, as a fantastic writer yourself you should know the difference between criticising a writer for his / her craft and criticising a writer. The process of constructive criticism is ABOUT helping another writer improve - it is not about the selfish purpose of proving that you are intellectually / writing-ly superior to another writer. If you actually flame for the wrong purposes I would have to say that maybe you aren't that good a writer yourself after all.

Lo, and behold, now how easy that was. Next time you would like to give postive criticism, please remember these few pointers! :D

Ramblings

2006-01-30T20:37:00.000+08:00

I cannot wait to get out of Singapore (this is an excited statement, not an emo one!) I think I have finally, finally, finally gotten approval. Of sorts. Now we just really need to sort out the money issue :/ because I am so desperately poor.

Chinese New Year was kind of ... lackadaisical. Of the few families I went to (we skipped alot this year, because of the 3 deaths that happened last year), somehow all of them magically found out that I was really desperate to go overseas. My dad is funny; he always goes quiet and sour when I talk about university but he goes around and tell everyone that? So I got loads of advice about scholarships, courses to take (I must admit, talking to my cousin make me think twice about linguistics :/), what to do, and loads of hopes piled on top of me. It's stressful but when I think about GOING OVERSEAS and not staying in repressed Singapore I feel deliriously happy. Will you miss me? Perhaps not, but it's okay I guess, for I'm the one who's going to give up everything we once had.

My cousin commented that I sounded different this year (he who sees me once a year, but apparently he keeps that one memory stored up so each year he kind of refreshes it O_o) - more mature and thoughtful, but towards the end he said that change might be good, but sometimes you lose yourself in the process of it. I think back and realise that yes, indeed - I've lost alot of myself that used to believe in idealism, perfect love, friendship, the safety net of Singapore, but now I'm looking forward to an unstable life, something that challenges everything that I believed in. Have my thoughts been taken over by others? Perhaps cynicism turns you into another person altogether. He also told me to take one year off school to go look at prospective universities, which seems like such a great idea, but so terribly expensive ... Hopefully the London trip gets true this June, so I can look at PROSPECTIVE UNI OF LONDON. After watching Discovery Travel & Living I am SO keen on going to London again, but practically, even though I think its worth it to survive Europe & UK while you can on a shoe-string budget, I somehow worry I'll feel so alone, in a grey and dismal London.

Today, I watched I Not Stupid Too. Earlier on I was incredibly against watching it (I don't like watching sequels, honestly), but my Dad was paying for it, so why not! ;P It was a pretty good movie that struck a chord with alot of relevant issues today, and after the movie I feel so inspired to work with youths, become a teacher, anything, anything just to show these people out there that there is hope and all is not lost. Oh god, get a grip! I always talk about dreams and let them fall flat, it must NOT happen this year. Last year I gave up the chance to volunteer with youth groups because I was so afraid of stepping outside my comfort zone, but after today, I feel like I can really make a difference. I also felt incredibly lucky (even though I wouldn't admit it, being a stubborn ass) to have parents and a family like mine.

A short announcement - I'll be performing on Sunday for my TSD Practicals Prelims with my group members, and it's free to all who're interested to come to watch. So if you're either interested, or wondering what the heck I've been up to all these while and refusing to go out with you, or you want to watch me speak atrocious English, or you just want to see a (hopefully!) funny and brilliantly (I must say!) written piece of political satire performed by GROOPEAS (Mak, Ming, Vern, Bob, Mik), let me know, I'll love for you to come, no matter who you are! :] It's going to happen in the late afternoon, though, and we're the last performance. :)

I should really get started on my Econs/Lit/Hist essay. And my set design! Baroque art here I come! :]

-

have been

1. reading my LJ entries (god, how stupid i sound!)
2. reading Inflex Revelations, the 'great' masterpiece of Sec 2, written, drawn, and created by k, aur & i (cliches!)
3. reminiscing about RO (AGAIN!) - fuyu (omg those hilarious chatlogs about smoking and all!), jacky, sue & all with aur
4. thinking about FP & woi & how much i really miss steph&rach&geoff (to a smaller extent).

when my world was made up of internet figures so closely connected, it really seemed as if my life back then had a purpose, i had something to live for, someone to talk to. mostly what i created in a flash, i destroyed it as well. perhaps sometimes if you open up your heart you'll find it easier to let go and let live. i think i should definitely do something about my issues, because they're seriously haunting me.

and to that point

i should start rebuilding friendships, friendships that i've lost because i was too hot-headed and stupid. friendships that i've lost because i felt victimized and never truly found out if it was so. i should STOP ignoring my neighbour, go talk to Ian and not be annoyed about him not visiting me, get back together with the study gang, TALK TO SWORDFISH, have coffee with keax, meet up more regularly with aur, go running with aileen, i don't know, because i feel so lost without them? maybe my cousin was right, after all. i've lost a part of myself and i can't get it back - change is sometimes good, but for most part, haunting.

so if you're a lost friend and i see you on the streets i'll try to say hello, but if i happen to miss you, please let me know, would you?
i would love to build up again the world i used to have. suddenly this world seems too dismal, and with this new changes i feel like ive been functioning more than living.

A Chord Struck in Fear

2006-01-28T22:54:00.000+08:00

The 4th episode of Monster, I nearly collapsed from the amount of tension that was rising, the whole Johan-Adolph-Tenma scene - I don't know if it's because I've really become more attuned to blockings, and other theatre theory, but I saw it and went WOW, bam, and saw it unfolding in theatre bit by bit. Brilliant. I'll be lying to myself if I said I didn't wish for perhaps, groups to adapt Monster. I don't usually get freaked out by creepy shows (afterwards, though, is a different issue), but this one had me nearly covering my eyes and heart-thumping, panicky, feeling like omg-i-dont-want-to-watch-it-anymore-but-i-MUST! even in the midst of a 20-strong crowd (my extended family was over for Reunion Dinner #1).

SATS: For an extensive and more elaborated coverage, head over to cosiety.vjc.sg and see my post on Subjectif. It was mindlessly exhausting. I'll be damned lucky if I can break 1900.

My adorable Shanghai cousins are back :) The younger one speaks barely English, but has oh so perfect Chinese that it puts me to shame, and her sister's quite the opposite. We grow up too fast; she was barely 6 when she went over, and now she's 8, screaming at those boys that annoyed the group during the playground excursion, talking to me about school, and how she wants to return. The younger one still holds the same shred of innocence in her, I love seeing her smile, and teasing her endlessly. The photos in my phone have to be updated! I can't quite believe it's one year already. What a tumultous year 2005 was.

Chinese New Year is going to be so different without you.

The playground still holds the same old memories for me, and it remains one of my favourite chill out place. I discovered what a shame it is to stop remembering Chinese - for all the pain and trouble one goes through to study it, its benefits are often forgotten. Sometimes when I listen to Chinese songs (to help myself to keep in touch with Chinese) I am shocked at how much more beautiful the Oriental languages are, compared to English. Somehow English never really pulls off flowery+sincerity, but the Oriental languages - Chinese, Japanese, Korean - are so beautifully created that when put together correctly, it sounds just so heart-wrenching.

I tried to remember to get myself to cry, but I discovered, I really can't cry on will - which is why I will never embrace acting, because I can never lose consciousness of who I am to slip into and become another person entirely. Thank goodness for design sometimes.

I Could

2006-01-27T20:13:00.000+08:00

fall for someone like Dr. Tenma from Monster, who truly follows the ethics of a doctor - to save lives, above all. to be such a workaholic that he could forgo dates for operations, who truly cares about each and every patient.

Monster is a fantastic anime, in all ways of the word. No other one has impressed me so much as RK did - I've only watched 3 episodes and yet I'm already hooked on it, just like I desire to read the pages of a good book. How it all comes together is nothing short of amazing - those moments we have in theatre are all replicated here, the visual symbolism, the questioning of human morality and work ethics, the horrible twist of fate, everything so neatly and tightly packed : even if the show itself moves at a quite slow pace, or the characters look very ordinary, I think it's simply wonderful. I'll love to one day do a theatre version of it.

if only:

2006-01-23T22:56:00.000+08:00

our eyes reflected the same innocence
our smiles showed the bright promise of a future
our hearts felt as light and happy.

if only i was her. the beautiful little girl on the bus who delighted in simple games like shadows, perpetually grinning at me, and me smiling back, and laughing with her. that was such a wonderful moment. and when she got off the bus and stopped in her tracks 4 times to say bye to me, and wave with those small hands of hers, i suddenly felt so much more energized and ready to face the world, somehow knowing that all those things that i had forsaken in lieu of achievements and grades and everything else were just buried somewhere deep, and could one day be revived.

i could be her.

-

i haven't properly written for 2 whole years, but this is a one-shot i wrote for FP@LJ. it's incredibly raw because i came up with it in about 10 minutes.
task: #100 words on any / all of the 7 Sins.

176 words on Envy, Lust and Wrath:

Envy met Lust one day, and he knew it instinctively. It wasn't so much about her seeming popularity with the rest, the way she seemed to be so at ease with all those pretentious smiles, nor was it about the way she broke records as if the wineglass she was holding met the cold, marble floor and shattered into pieces. Yet it didn't seem like the way she was the ideal fantasy of every single male available to his knowledge, nor the way her name was scribbled in the bathroom doors with lewd graphics and words.

So he began, meticulously planning out the ways they would meet in the hallway, how she would stop to smile at him, and there would be no need for conversation. Somehow Wrath got in the way, and her perfection a little too unbearable. And when they all culminated, he was left, at the end, to face the 4 walls that stared blankly back at him, which oddly reminded him of those toilet cubicles where he spent his time wondering whether her existence was ever a reality.

-

yesterday my computer's hard drive crashed and yes, like a true blue tech geek, i cried over it. (even though it got revived THANKFULLY)
just imagine:
[x] 5 years of writings that i collected over the years (these took me forever to plan, characterize, edit, one-shots)
[x] 4000+ songs (this WILL break my heart because you have no F! idea how hard is it to collect a English/Japanese/Korean/Hindi/Chinese music collection!)
[x] huge-ass folder of Adobe PS work that i painstakingly crafted (possibly, a total sum of a few months if i were to count the time i took for each layout, wallpaper, icon and add them all up)

and of course, the periphery ones:
[x] my anime downloads
[x] schoolwork :P (though my TSD folders will be quite a heartache, too)
[x] scanlations
[x] fonts, other nonsense.

it really, really nearly broke me.
i vow in future to do backup like mad.

NEW TEMPLATE

2006-01-22T20:55:00.000+08:00

Ha! Finally. :)
Now I have once again a unique template (instead of being compared to some people! coughcough) :]

I like this template because
[A] it has mika nakashima! one of my favourite japanese singers
[B] i think she looks ABSOLUTELY gorgeous in here and in NANA ♥
[C] i like the colour scheme. :D

2006-01-21T22:00:00.000+08:00

I don't quite understand why some / most people think that we're quite okay for groups
Because WE DONT HAVE ANYTHING (other than a script!)
PANICS
(7-eleven gossiping AVA slots TRUE BELIEVERS canteen food)
I feel :/.

OFF TO WATCH ROZEN MAIDEN!
(i am too obsessed with ANIME)
and games (O2 JAM!) but that was a good break.

happy birthday saiful :)
i think the razzlers are gonna be like 'wth, yish didnt come for ANYTHING again'
but i am very tired to care.

the probability of me doing badly for SATS is 1/1.

An EGG :D

2006-01-19T00:21:00.000+08:00

I have adopted an egg!

:)

BTW, a plug for iComp's vid The Lift, which was amazingly beautiful (okay it's not surprising but I was just very used to the whole comedy thing) - it's up on Cosiety, which is the coolest underground VJ association EVER :D
http://blog.vjc.sg/
and check SUBJECTIF / PERSPECTIF / VIVID out!

To begin with,

2006-01-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

I officially hate PE,
I am aching all over - wanted to go for a run today but I couldn't even climb stairs,
I feel like dropping Econs to keep myself sane for taking Hist S and Lit S with TSD (for now Hist and Lit S so PWNS Econs)
But I enjoy MacroEcons so I guess I'll see,
I took a 3 1/2 hour nap and I'm still desperate for more sleep!!
I sat through another 3h 25m of rigorous SAT preparation (and ended up with a rough score of about 1870 - 2070), because scores are tabulated in ranges:
So I'm feeling quite shattered.

And then, to continue with,
I've just gotten my Common Test timetables, which are MIND BLOWINGLY chock full of 3h exams
(like WTH? isn't COMMON TEST supposed to suggest easy peasy 30 minutes quick tests)
So it's Promos / Prelims x 3
And I have a pile of readings to read through
Plus 3 essays to complete (better get cracking this weekend)
And I want to watch Memoirs of a Geisha so badly this weekend!
And OG BBQ + Settlers Cafe outing for the Razzlers.

So I guess to end it all,
I feel in desperate need of an activity to clear my head, so it shall be running
(if my body stops aching)
or swimming! I miss Keppel and the benches by the beach where I did my homework
or the yummy food that I can eat and charge on my Dad's account (bwahaha)
or seeing the sunset and Sentosa by the jacuzzi. :) Life used to be so good.

sighh.

Actually,

2006-01-17T23:00:00.000+08:00

I'm not living. More like functioning. There's this thin line of difference, and I am at the stage where logic takes over and screams: "go, just work and stop thinking." It's truly sad and moronic for Year 2 to be spent this way, but the OPPORTUNITY COST of playing in this year and not being able to get to UK-BOUND/US-BOUND is devastatingly shocking high, because of the expectations I literally dump on myself.

So don't ask me how I do it. I have a theory, that if Man is pushed to his limits, he WILL make it work. That's how theatre pieces are bornt out of desperation-ish 2 weeks before Prelims period.

Onto groups. At least, we are moving along pretty well (after countless movie marathons and discussing scripts and scrapping 2-3 pieces and being COMPLETELY CRUSHED). It's tiring, but I enjoy being an Indonesian Minister and a Singaporean Chinese who is an English teacher with atrocious English. And of course I really really like having groups and being on random highs, jumping off from scaffoldings to choreograph cheesy spy scenes, it's incredibly exciting.

At 1131PM yesterday I was convinced of the fact that inspiration does strike at the oddest times. After sleeping for a while, I suddenly awoke with this huge FLOOD of ideas for set design. Mad. I took out Don Juan and started scribbling, sketching for half an hour. YES I AM MOVING ALONG! Now to work on #1. Baroque Art Study, #2. Religious Conotations study. Grr, but YES, moving along, so that is something that I am incredibly grateful for. Set will take a second place to SAT (ha) and Groups for now, but I shall work on it when inspiration hits.

I don't know why, but Tennessee Williams' plays throw me into bouts of depression (granted, I have only read The Glass Menagerie and The Rose Tattoo). But they do. We were talking about this in class: does reliving your past make you exorcise it? and I believe strongly that it doesnt. Because when you relive your past, you will naturally tend to commit the same mistakes all over again, which leads to you making the SAME decisions and falling into this bottomless pit of misery and hell. I think that in every past, no matter how bitter and evil, there's an odd temptation to relive it just for the sake of doing it, but you end up as a miserable product of your decisions if you do so. I know that actually, despite what happened in the past, I would have given everything up all over again to relive it, even though it's a bad mistake, but just for those bits of GOOD in the midst of all the BAD, it might be worth the trade after all.

It's like with WOI and RO - the 100++ emails flood was :/ to read and reply at times, but that was truly a forum I felt comfortable with, even if spending a huge chunk of my life and time. It's strange how you connect with random people all over, isn't it? (how apt that I am writing an essay about technology now) But compared to the dead WOI now ... and even though I did stupid Sec 3 things JUST to play an online game - my comp's in the hall, so there is no ! way I can get away with really late night sessions, I remember sneaking out and going to the trouble of connecting my Dad's laptop to play all the way till about 4/5 AM, then run off and sleep. Or celebrating all my festivals with random gamers but having the best time of my life, wasting (truly) time playing HIDE AND SEEK in an online game, god, I miss all those, despite getting caught and finally all the trauma of ending it all. There's certainly an appeal in returning to that kind of lifestyle, but I know that for now I have to function, and I guess no matter how hard you try to recreate your past, it will never be the same, though the results won't be too varied.

/

EDIT: 2 random things

#1. I think that ONE IN A MILLION (and similar songs of such genre) are one of the BEST romantic songs (as in, guy dedicates to girl). You know it's so much nicer being SPECIAL than being 'beautiful' (even though you might never GET US! BWAHAH) - heck, who's as beautiful as people such as Mischa Barton anyway! Grr.

#2. I really still miss my Granddad. Now that I remembered and mentioned it, here's a special HUG for KAI. I still am floored with the overwhelming urge to cry when I walk past funerals. The other day I passed TWO in a row and I had to stop for a breather, was quite dazed (badly). It's sad to think how this year's new year celebrations, there won't be visits to his house, or he won't buy us junk food anymore, and the one that gets me everytime is when I go out for good food, because he loved good food, and now every effing thing has to be in past tense. This year the new year celebrations will be severly muted because 3 of my relatives passed away, so that means loads of houses won't be visited, and people that I visit and have fun with once in a year won't be met. I really, really miss him, even though the world has to go on spinning, and we all pretend it doesn't matter, but in truth, it hurts so badly that we just delude ourselves into being immune to it. That was the very first funeral I attended as a direct relative of someone, and those rituals are going on in my head, the day where it all ended, like bad memories on repeat, and god, I swear that I really never want to attend another one. And for that matter - I will NEVER EVER SMOKE, because if even him, who stopped smoking for 50 years, got lung cancer, who's to say I wouldn't.

Sometimes you wish the tears weren't accompanied with the pain, but without the pain, those can't be real tears anyway.

unspoken

2006-01-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

i'm not a very vocal, TLC kind of person. now that i'm thinking about it. i've become more reserved, and (hopefully) more thoughtful, and (hopefully in the near future) i can be cause for thought provoking. morose is the favourite word of the day. i prefer to write, or to keep thoughts to myself, because i worry sometimes that if i say them out they'll be lost somehow.

but above all, i think it's time for goodbyes, no matter how hard they are (it is so ! that WinAmp is playing Gareth Gates' Say It Isn't So.) i'm really going to miss you sherry & charis, for being such an integral part of 05a53, and yes, fantastic friends. i guess there are some people in the world that you don't have to spend half your life with to love them dearly.

okay. i have decided to go with linguistics / ancient studies + east asian studies / english. reading the collegeboard majors book made me a little more secure about getting a liberal arts major. something like that for majors. it's odd how i am psyched up about university when the As aren't even here yet, but i think the BEST thing about university, which makes JC looks like a sad place, is the variety of choices you get to do as majors / minors / electives. it's like a whole new world. and funnily, i thought i'll never say this, but i wish i could spend a lifetime learning.

but of course the only thing that makes JC worth the while are the people and the friends and the inordinate amount of fun you have (even if it comes in rare dosages and you really, really, die during the times they don't come) and for me, TSD (for now) - because acting (even though i really dislike it) gives you a break from everything else, and set design allows me to be myself, even if it's only for a little while.

full steam ahead! term one is crazy, but the trick is to keep breathing.

BREATHES.

2006-01-13T22:36:00.000+08:00

How is it that the worst memories I have of you are in places which I love the most?
The greatest ironies will persist.
-

Okay I am feeling slightly better, still morose, but okay, slightly better. I think.
3 years ago I would have immediately naively believed I have an alter ego, which would have excited me to bits. I still think that perhaps I have some deep issues, as my beloved psychologist loves to harp on. And perhaps these deep issues encompass the alter ego thing. But today remains a bad day (despite being excited about Lit again!), and will not go down in History because I have had worse days. I've lost a bit of trust in (insert name/s here) today, and I hope one day I can proudly have it again.

A review of my work so far -
Hist S: Quite fascinating! I like what I'm doing, though it promises MORE research. I love reading, but History books ... Erm. But the first presentation is on ART & CULTURE (hoho) and I like Art History, so it should be quite challenging.
Lit S: Cancelled. Hrm. I doubt my ability to stay in Lit S more than Hist S, but I guess we'll see.
Econs: International Trade?? ERM. But I refuse to be conquered by Econs!
Hist: Euro History is finally starting to sound interesting. (cough) Imperialism! I'm still harping on the fact we can't do Ancient History, but oh well. Cold War is just ... (insert adjective). I really don't like it. Still.
Lit: WAS GREAT. PC was really, really enlightening.
TSD: OMZOD can I say busy. Groups (in 3 weeks) IS (in ? weeks), but it's been fun, and busy. So between all that work I'm quite swamped, but I'll try to breathe.

On a brighter note I am going to start working positively. Uni of London! :] Kings College Kings College Kings College - if only saying something could make a wish come true, or if only I hadn't wasted my shooting star wish.

I miss my computer! Come back to me. Without my anime, my writings, my Photoshop (*travels into Geek Land*), and my MMPORG games to tempt me away from writing boring essays, I feel lost.

2006-01-13T22:11:00.000+08:00

There are days where you feel like everything's just been offered to you on a platter. It thrills you, it excites you, and makes you run on a high. Then everything deflates as quickly as the front of a pin meets a balloon. Not to make a joke, but it's depressing. Today is one of those days, which started out with so much false promises of things bright and beautiful! but ended off quite badly.

Sometimes I just feel like losing it all. Sense and logic keeps me together, and when there's a need to, it runs me altogether. Most of the time, oddly, I'm ruled more by my head than heart, though it often steps in. I work for a reason, and exist for the same. Somehow the same little things which I found were new and brilliant just don't exist anymore, and in its place, I have my reason for living - university. I often worry that I'm pinning my hopes on an experience that will be unfortunately bad, but I hope not, because I think if I know it will be, I might just crash and fall altogether. It's scary how everything depends on this. It's stupid, when I have other priorities. What happened to friends and all that? They used to take a huge portion of my life, but somehow, the past 2 years killed everything in its little events. And I realised that more than often, I suppress my cynicism, rather than fight to kill it.

It's funny why I never understand you think that I'm peace-loving, or eternally optimistic, maybe I'm just a greater pretender. I still delight in some things, which of late have been dwindling. Ever feel like you're in the crowd but somehow not there? Sometimes I want to fade away and merge into the huge blob of people, and just be part of listening to other peoples' conversations, instead of making my own. Othertimes, I feel not even there at all. Perhaps it's stress, but I think that things suppressed always make a comeback.

I feel the need to do something irrational and forget the world.

S'long.

2006-01-07T13:11:00.000+08:00

We're moving in, we're moving OUT
OGLs let's hear you shout
Catch the spirit we create
Today's the day we dominate
Say it LOUD, say it PROUD
OGLs, OGLs,
YEAHHHHH OGLS!

The Things That Made Me DAMN Proudest of ORIENTATION 2006

1) Seeing my team become so ENTHU that they start leading CHEERS and all - Motherly instincts from Gerry & I! OMZOD I feel so darn proud of them *wipes away invisible tears* I feel like I've watched them grow up.
2) Seeing them go ALL MAD AND WILD @ Suntec - HELLO, no other orientation has YEAR 1s screaming VJ rocks and running around Suntec madly infused with Victorian Spirit (coughsoimaybewrongbutwhoCARES!cough) =D
3) Conversing with Fellow OGLs and KNOWING- That we made it. Orientation was a SUCCESS!
4) Having our Year 1s tell us how much they ♥ VJ, Orientation, and US :) - nuff' said.

and LAST but not LEAST!

5) Hearing from them that their other friends complain that certain JCs had damn boring orientations - SMUG SMUG FACE!

At times like these, I really really feel proud of VJC. And knowing I'm part of VJ, as a Victorian, makes me feel all the while happier. Somehow winning losing doesn't even matter anymore (especially when all the OGs have such GREAT cheers that you can do too! Like Icis's BOOM BOOM!) Especially yesterday's Suntec night :/ Even though I felt sick like heck, it was still worth the while to go there and go mad.
I want Ben & Jerry's!! ): ): Where's my B&J friend!

So one last one to go - SEA REGATTA!!

BTW I think that 06A13 is pretty nifty. Let's hope that they become as WONDER-WALL-FUL as us! :)

2006-01-05T16:33:00.000+08:00

bwahah.

You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist, and you should major in journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself, and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing.

Journalism

92%

English

83%

Theater

83%

Linguistics

75%

Sociology

75%

Philosophy

67%

Art

67%

Dance

67%

Anthropology

58%

Psychology

50%

Engineering

33%

Mathematics

33%

Biology

33%

Chemistry

What is your Perfect Major?
created with QuizFarm.com

just when i was dead set on doing linguistics for uni :X a course of practically no use unless i become head hunted as a successful translator.
grr.
but it's heartwarming to see that my top few choices are English (HURRAY!) Theater (erp, I really like theatre but I don't want to do it in Uni) Linguistics (YAY!!) Sociology & Philosophy (i hope to get to do this as an elective!)
postively brimming with optimism and stress. odd combination, but with GROUPS in 5 WEEKS (OMG PRELIMS) and IS in about 8 WEEKS and SATS in less than 20 DAYS!
RAZZLE IS SECOND for DAY TWO - cheers!(: am really proud of my team (they're buncha great great people). razzle is a damn nice og. and we had a great evening last night that ended quite late!
unfortunately i am SICK (fever & sore throat again) :( i vow to take vitamin pills daily now and drink loads of water!
a HUGE APOLOGY to my FRIENDSHIP DANCE PARTNER beaver ): i am really really sorry i pangsehed you to dance friendship dance!! ):
still, i will conquer my illness! and now i drag my feet unwillingly to study MATHS (for SATS)

uk-bound/us-bound 2007!

AUSTIN

2006-01-02T23:07:00.000+08:00

is ♥

Nuff' said. School starts in 7 HOURS! :X Oh, the dread, the dread.

2006-01-02T16:47:00.000+08:00

I've started a writing blog (omg, ANOTHER blog) to house some of my more private thoughts, instead of my initial idea to give Arabesqued a revamp. I feel that I've neglected writing over the past few years, and I really do want to get back into the habit. If you're interested in reading, let me know and I'll (shamelessly) plug you my add, because I don't feel comfortable putting a link here where everyone (even for those not intended) can read. It's not really a private thing, though, but I do hope to churn out a few good pieces to my own liking and where I can not fear that the intended person reads it.

When I write, by the way, I usually revert to my old penname. I also enjoy using vague name references (HAH!) so it's never about you, only about whether it's you. ;)

School is beginning is less than 16 hours away and I feel scared; though, not as bad as last year. I'm finishing my History S essay (finally!) and trying to psyche myself up. Next year I have a pretty ridiculous timetable, but what to do. I can't quite believe I'm moving into 18 years of my life already.

Strangely, Kings' College was mentioned once again in today's newspapers. A sign? But then again the article was about the number of Singaporeans to the college, and I was struck by a comment by one student who chose to go to Warwick (I think), for she mentioned that the London colleges were dispersed. AKA no school spirit. I fear the choices I have to make pretty soon, and wonder if I have the aptitude to make it there. As much as I'm afraid of leaving, I think the promise of a new life and (hopefully) better experience is still drawing me there.

Changes.

2006-01-01T22:07:00.000+08:00

As the new year begins, I feel the temptation to scrap away a blog and start all over again. I have always known that I'm a flighty character, and when the time comes for me to begin on a fresh new slate, I jump at it. When I made the jump from LJ to Blogger a few months back, I never thought about how much I've missed my privacy over there, with being able to friend-lock entries and secure some that should only remain in my memories, but yet, share a part of me with others I've come to known and cherish. That said, to save the hassle, I think I will still remain here (for how long though, I'm not too sure) for a while, but I'm trying to regain the same kind of fervour and love for writing that I once had, instead of writing silly little daily entries (the bane of blogging!).

This year, I'm not going to make any resolutions. I'm never determined enough to carry them out, so why waste the time? This year, all I'm going to focus on is UNI-BOUND 2007. That's the official name for my operation, and nothing will deter it. Nothing. When I set my mind on something I can be quite determined, even if that passion often lasts for just a short period of time (Japanese & Guitar learning), I'm happy that at least I did something. I realise I like being a Jill of all trades but mistress of none, oddly, and sometimes it does make me feel upset that I don't have a brilliant talent for anything. I've been waiting for so long to find that talent that makes me different, but 17 years have arrived and are (nearly) passing, yet I don't see anything that I'm good at. I wish I could play the piano with a Grade 8, or I had pursued swimming seriously earlier on (to be a sportsman?), or be a ballerina ... When I see all these things that I'm not, I feel quite pathetic. And sad, of course. I tell myself that I like set design and I can do scenography, but the truth is I often wonder if I'm just telling myself that because there is simply nothing else I can do in TSD. I can't act, I'm not one for a DS, I don't have an eye for costume/sewing, nothing, nothing, NOTHING.

And yet UNI-BOUND 2007 terrifies me in a different way. I was reading the news today about the racial attacks in different parts of the world (Kings' College got featured! > one of my UK bound choices) and suddenly the whole 'alienation' idea physically manisfested in front of me. I picture myself walking down some desolate street, with no family, no familiar faces / places. In a way it could be an adventure, but it could very much be a horror as well. I was suddenly uprooted from my big dream of being independant and I grew so scared - can I handle it alone? As much as I love to have adventures, the more important part is to know how to handle them, and I fear that I'm inadequate in doing so. The student from Kings College said that the most important thing was to open up, but the previous year (2005, isn't it strange how time passes so quickly and you don't ever notice it), if anything, made me close in and hide in my own world even more. Too many things happened, too many things that I didn't share, that trapped me till I couldn't find a way to get out of them.

Yet I'm grateful for 2005. If the year brought nothing else, thank goodness it brought some new friends. Not completely sure if I could trust them with my heart, but above all else, friends that I enjoy spending time with and 'hanging out'. I have an issue with trust. I have alot of issues, waiting to be resolved but will never be because I can't bear to lose a part of me that has been building up my defence mechanism. If I did, then maybe, I would be more accepting of everything else, but with acceptance comes the higher possibility of crashing down when something bad happens, and I don't want that to happen, ever.

2006 is already significantly different. Last year, something memorable happened on the last day of 2005 (which did not happen this year!). I feel the pang of sadness when I think back about what I could have changed, what I still can change, but would not change. I think I believe in destiny. If it's meant to be, it will be - que sera sera. I was so excited about dashing off to Esplanade for a countdown, only to be terribly disappointed, and spent the quiet night at a friend's house. This year's countdown holds nothing for me, but in a way, maybe this is how I've matured, and how I've grown up realising that some things just lose their importance.

To 2006.
And 1 more day back to school. I await it anxiously, not.

2006-01-01T11:52:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR.
to 2006 and all it can bring.

(one more year to go!)
i adore all of you guys who i call friends very much, so please take care and have a funfilled weekend before Orientation 2006 starts.

/

so i've finally 'quit' working at subway officially. :/
am going to miss all my sandwiches! and the great people there, but realistically, i know that this year alone was miraculous (how the COW did i cope with all that!?), so i don't want to tempt the OH SO BUSY next year.

/

oh and i CHOPPED OFF NEARLY all my hair! bwahahah.
i think that everytime someone is determined to say that i look better in long hair i want to prove them wrong.
so off my hair goes
it's incredibly short now >< but i like it. NO MORE HAIR TYING DAYS! huzzah.

on a side note.
i still dont know all the mass dances ... and orientation is starting soon. :/

MMORPG DISCOVERY!

2005-12-29T22:24:00.000+08:00

SQUEAL.
i found 3 more mmorpgs! HURRAH!
knight online, gate to heaven & supreme destiny.
(shit 4 more days to end of sch !!! ><)
AHH!! *freaks out*

ON RANDOM THINGS.

2005-12-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

#1. The Scientist by Coldplay, I think, is one of the BEST songs ever to hit Song Land. Right after Iris by Goo Goo Dolls. The Scientist captures so much in such a ~~(rather repititive)~~ song that it just makes me go, 'wow', even if I have it on for the 5th time on repeat.
But nothing can beat Iris on repeat for 15 times. :D

#2. Disengagement. The more I speak of it, the more I feel it. Perhaps I'm over sensitive, but I always pick up on things like this and it makes me rather upset. It's probably my fault because I don't make an effort, though.

#3. On banana ice-cream. New addiction! :)

#4. On Hamlet - lo and behold, I like ONE Shakespeare text! PAH!

#5. On Austin getting ousted in Project Runway - DIE WENDY *sticks pitchfork in*. But you are talented, and I believe you will go far!
Austin: "I grew up into being Austin Scarlett, the exact person I wanted to be when I was young."
I wish I could say the same thing for myself.

#6. On OGL - it isn't half as fun anymore and I really don't feel like going on, but there's just a few days to it. Can't believe I was all hyped up over something that became such a huge disappointment in the end; of all the times I've squandered there, it might have been put to better usage!

#7. The Banana Gang are in MSIA. This is tres unfair! I want to go to Msia with friends too (but er, seeing what happened recently, maybe somewhere else would be a better choice) >_<

#8. Procrastinators like SELF should never be given work. :/

#9. Excerpts from and about 2005

TO A NEW YEAR; 01/01
2005 - A New Start!
#1 - To be a better friend. -> Semi-achieved this? :/
#2 - To be less pessimistic, and look on the brighter side of life. Yeah, and to be less depressed as well. -> Completely not succesful. I had one of my worst years ever, but well, forget it.
~~#3 - To control my temper. XD~~ Completely succeeded.
#4 - Be a better daughter / sister. -> FAILED.
#5 - Turn into a better person. -> Doubt I did. Somehow I feel I'm still the same old me.
~~#6 - KEEP IN CONTACT WITH EVERYONE!~~ -> Considering that I keep in contact with people that I want to keep in contact with, err. Yes, then.
#7 - Be a bolder person -> If anything, I've become more withdrawn and grown more quiet.
#8 - ~~Learn to be less~~ of a perfectionist. -> I've learnt NOT to be that perfectionistic, but, I'm still one at heart. And it really quite destroys me when I don't get where I want to be and sometimes, it quite breaks me.
#9 - LEARN the meaning of happiness. (: -> HA! HA! HA! *DIES*
#10 - Do something about my dreams -> CURRENT AIM AND SIGHT IN MIND : UK/US BOUND 2007. Nothing MUST deter me. But that said, I do regret not joining Radio Academy this year (despite the great age gap)

OGL! 08/01
I want to be an OGL!!! (If I can stay on in VJ, that is -___-) Heh. (ahah. ahah. AHAHHAHA.)

FACADE; 09/01
- so one last touch and then you'll go
and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
but it was vile, and it was cheap
and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me -
(something i'll always keep with me.)

2005-12-27T22:18:00.000+08:00

It is odd that at times of sickness, I feel the need to push myself to work harder.
:/
Nearly done with History S; am going around in circles but I am simply too tired to care.
I can't believe I didn't think about this, but argh! Have finally started to read Hamlet (with great difficulty) online. Hopefully I can finish it by tomorrow.

/

Was wondering why the line 'My thoughts and wishes bend again toward France' sounded so familiar -
AND OH I came across it in 7NK! And I realise I actually know a bunch of random facts about Shakespeare and his time period, as well as most of his plays. O_O
Playing games is good. :D

/

I take back what I said, Hamlet ACTUALLY is rather interesting.

/ 12.03 PM: On Hamlet
'that one may smile, and smile, and be a villian;' How incredibly apt, when you think about it, you never really know what's behind the smiles on everyone's faces. Often people comment that I am incapable of anger / violence / being really nasty to anyone (and other similar comments), but well, it's just that you've never seen that side of me yet. In retrospect, it is a GOOD thing to have not blown up this year (the past 2 years had incidents in which I completely exploded). How interesting it is, when you often judge one by what he / she does, yet you can never know truly and completely who the person is.

That actually, on second thoughts, is quite a frightening thought.

ARGH :X

2005-12-27T18:04:00.000+08:00

My body is finally taking its revenge for all those late night 8 hour gaming sessions and what not.
I feel like a cat drenched in water and left in North Pole to rot.
I have slept for a record of 16 hours so far!
And I've missed OGL CAMP. >(

sigh. why am i always ill at the wrong times ):

Childhood Fantasies

2005-12-26T20:10:00.000+08:00

It is really, really, moving to see one of your greatest childhood fantasies come to life. :) Even if it was just a movie, Narnia was just brilliant. Sure it was not without its flaws, but it was just so breathtaking to see everything happening, just as I tried to imagine them back in P3 when I first stumbled upon the series. I was never one for fantasies (HA Nancy Drew days!) but somehow I was just captivated. :D

The special effects were AMAZING. And I loved the prelude (gr it made me sniff in the first few minutes) which gave the film a very 'grounded' sort of feeling. The transitions were not always perfect but I think they were clearly admirable, the way the characters changed towards the end (er, LOTR flashback by the way!) was really brilliant. LO AND BEHOLD, I didn't spot any movie/book discrepancies that were hugely significant (*COUGHGOBLETOFFIRECOUGH*); I'm a huge nitpick at such issues.

And if I might add, I thought the casting was pretty nicely done. Tilda Swinton was fantastic as the White Witch. (coincidentally, her role in Constantine as the fallen angel Gabriel [if i'm not wrong] is rather similar as to who the White Witch is supposed to represent, I think). Tumnus the Faun was friendlier than I had imagined (hurhur) and the BEAVERS! Oh Beavers. :)

TIDBIT: Did you know that the WARDROBE in the movie was specially designed by the director (I think)? And also, if you can find pictures of the wardrobe online, look at it closely. If you've ever read The Magician's Nephew you'll find the SYMBOLS engraved on the wardrobe might ring a few bells. ;) > this was obtained from the brilliant Narnia (Behind The Scenes) film-tie-in book!

I guess while C.S. Lewis might not have wanted to make Narnia filmised / TVised in anyway (he once said he wanted the Chronicles to remain as it is, and live on in our own imaginations or something like that), I think the movie did the books pretty good justice.

I FEEL SO DEAD INSPIRED TO REDO NARNIA, but really, I shouldn't! ): There is no way you can reproduce Narnia of that scale on theatre, and I know I would be really disappointed with myself if I couldn't match up to the standards.

And by the way :D Turkish DELIGHT does exist! It is being sold in NTUC (at least, the few that I've seen). Haha. I've yet to eat my stash of them (I have a habit of buying food and leaving them to rot :/), though.

King Kong! (spoilers incld)

2005-12-26T11:30:00.000+08:00

King Kong last night was honestly a very great disappointment.
I didn't even sniff at the show! BLEH! I'm usually moved by the smallest things ever. Even Beauty and The Beast made me cry like hell, and err ... not that I doubt Naomi Watt's acting capability, but there seriously was a lack of belief in the movie for me (maybe it's because she spoke less than X lines and all she did was to get teary and scream).

Other than the impressive cinematography (WHOA TREX VS KONG!), the story & character development was pretty weak. Ann Darrow is a rather >_> character, really. Darrow and Kong / Darrow and Driscoll? Choose, darn it. *frustrated* The unlikely romance between Driscoll & Darrow (huh, like LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?!), the whole notion of LOVE supercedes 18 men who are dead ... HUH? WTF? It's just ONE life that didn't seem to be in much danger. -_- Monsters Overkill, -100 props. Yeah hell it is a PREHISTORIC land but there's no way you meet monsters at every single freaking turn. The sacrifice was barbaric but pretty well shot (and creepy as well).

My sister hated Jack Black's character, but I thought that he was one of the few realistic characters in the show. Men are a selfish race. It's a given in dire situations, the ugliest side of people appear. And I appreciated the honesty in his character, even though he was the antagonist of sorts.

The only parts I really enjoyed were -
[A] WATCHING ADRIAN BRODY! (bwaha) I am typically attracted to guys beyond my age, I have no idea WHY, but Brody looks amazingly fantastic. :D :D He has that sort of mystic charm oddly.
[B] The Theatre Bits to stare at for set - the Vaudeville set, Driscoll's comedy, the King Kong show set (BTW I DISCOVERED the usage of PARALLELISM!).
[C] Watching the few bits of Driscoll's comedy - that was one of the most heart-wrenching parts for me, as opposed to Miss Darrow being saved.

Maybe I just have something against female characters that need to be saved.
>_> Why can't everyone be like Kate (from LOST!) The epitome of a female survivor, woohoo.

I pray Narnia would be MUCH better!

2005-12-25T19:34:00.000+08:00

Finally I am having a FAMILY OUTING. I strongly believe my dad has no sense of the word 'FAMILY'. =( Ever since golfing took over his LIFE, grr. Anyway we are going to watch King Kong (OMZOD FINALLY, can) later on at 9PM!

I am one happy girl because my Mum bought us 2 tubs of B&J's! <3 And my iPod / iTunes refining is NEARLY DONE after 2 days. T_T

NARNIA TOMORROW! (: (: (: I AM SO EXTREMELY EXCITED BEHHH.
Aslan, Edmund, Peter, Susan, LUCY and ONE Magical Wardrobe & ONE Magical WORLD of NARNIA! (I wish they had movie-ised The Magician's Nephew as well, but never mind). She-Beaver and He-Beaver! <3 Tumnus the Faun, Maugrim, the WIHTE WITCH (Tilda Swinton looks FANTASTIC) oh boy I could go on forever.
(I heard the next movie is going to be Prince Caspian! o_o)

*stares at pile of unfinished work* ... sheesh.
I need to get started. ARGH! :X

2005-12-24T22:11:00.000+08:00

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

Haha. I think only the bolded part is accurate, but well. :) Brown is lovely, I like being brown.
Merry Christmas, though it isn't merry at all for me, but I hope you have a good time anyway.

Christmas

2005-12-23T22:19:00.000+08:00

I officially dislike Christmas. I hope Santa gets stuck in the North Pole Customs and your presents never arrive! HAH!

I realise that as of 2003, every Christmas I've had (including the one coming this year) was/is horrible.

-

ZAH I JUST DISCOVERED CHANNEL U IS GOING TO SHOW FMA! (Full Metal Alchemist) Heck that was a GENIUS anime. Completely brilliant (even though I blatantly refused to watch it the first time >_o) BUT HA! Watch FMA all you anime-n00bs.
Sat, 4.00PM.

>_< Please do not let it be dubbed in Chinese *depressive weeping*

2005-12-23T02:28:00.000+08:00

Dear Annoying Kiasu Singaporean who refuses to STEP out of the train carriage to let people alight, sticking your silly feet to the floor as if the floor suddenly melted into a slush of glue,

This is all I have to say to you.
*SHOVES A BIG ROTTEN APPLE TART INTO YOUR FACE*

I would have found something worse but my apple tart was rotten (which reminds me, I miss strudel), GRR.

Yours Sincerely,
Me
Passenger on the SMRT
Student, Singapore.

2005-12-22T00:13:00.000+08:00

Honestly I wonder why we bother about keeping the pretenses anyway? It's not like we all don't know it's all over.
Stop making excuses, us.

This is another of my issues,
the tendency to RUN AWAY and cut all ties when I think nothing's going to work out anyway.

Group Piece

2005-12-22T00:03:00.000+08:00

People always get sort of shocked when we tell them we're doing a theatre piece. What goes in their minds : WTF, 17-in-transition-to-18 year olds do theatre? Ha my bloody ass. People get more shocked when we laugh out loud in coffee clubs, toss out words like 'sex' like mad, discuss theatre concepts, yell - and give us dirty looks for disturbing their peace and quiet and 'businessy' atmosphere.

On another note, our group piece is once again stuck in STAGNATION STAGE XII. We're the kind of group that always gets inspiration flashes and float to the NEW inspiration and nearly 100% abandon our previous one. What is the WOW factor that makes OUR group piece? We thrashed it out for sometime and couldn't find any. The Lift is seriously turning out to be quite not the piece we wanted, or at least, I envisioned.

Few months back I watched Ima, Ai ni Yukimasu and I was flooded with visions of being a mother who lives in a countryside and who does nothing but wait for her child & husband to return home. Be With You was such a beautiful film that it still makes me cry till now, though in a much lesser volume (haha) than when I first watched it. But today I caught an episode of some tv show which showcased a profession known as Honeytrappers.

Honeytrappers are people who work with investigative firms to deduce if one's husband / fiance / boyfriend is unfaithful by trying to tempt him. Not necessarily into sex, but well, just to tempt him. I found the honeytrapper's experiences rather illuminating and sadly, I revert to my thinking that all men are EBIL - when it comes to the whole love scenario. Yes they can be great friends, but beyond that, everything starts to fall apart. Greatly disillusioned with regards to whatever that is happening right now as well. PAH. I shall never trust anyone beyond a platonic relationship ever again (grammatically incorrect, HUR!)

I really do miss my online friends. Seems like when you grow up, you lose a part of yourself, and for me, I lost them.

Intensive Care

2005-12-21T15:13:00.000+08:00

After intensive work (HAHAHA, who am I kidding, Queen Mary) on set design I decided that I am really screwed.

Looking very carefully at my text made me realise 2 things

A - there are MORE problems than I've foreseen. Scenes that were supposed to be easy to design for suddenly turned into strenuous magic show.

(on this point, how can a TOMB OPEN TO REVEAL A MAUSOLEUM? If my Buffy knowledge doesn't serve me wrong, isn't it the opposite?!)

B - HOW the F! am I supposed to work all those nonsense cheem Baroque design bits in!? Yes yes, theme and concept, blahh. Right now I'm feeling as BLAH as a flattened cow. Design baroque my ass. I'll be better off with 5 backdrops.

How far is Heaven, Lord can you tell me. - Los Lonely Boys on 95.0 FM never sounded more appropriate.

SIDENOTE : I am obsessed with Pierrot from Yakitate!! Perhaps clowns aren't that scary after all. Come to think of it, they're actually quite a tragic character - stuck with their circumstances (to laugh and be happy always) -_-

I need intensive care + smart pills.
I had 3 weird dreams last night. Very odd.

2005-12-21T12:14:00.000+08:00

My dad forgot about King Kong last night. I should have expected it, really.

I am going nowhere with Hist S / Lit S / IS! ):

/

BLAH. MY GUIT STRINGS BROKE.! *roasts guitar* The minute I take it out to try a NEW song the string BREAKS.
...
I really, really want to play Sitting Waiting Wishing. T_T

tag replies

2005-12-20T00:55:00.000+08:00

(bottom up)

Denys - oh, but you're smart! T_T (i don't care leech-from-seniors-smart or whatsoever) Bleagh. I am dying with History S. *disintegrates* Oh but Korea is really fun :) Trust me, skiing totally kicks ass. (except for the whole 'let's drag our skiis up the hill because we're too newbie to take the chairlift to skii down the ADVANCED hill') I hope you bang into a cute korean girl and get her number!

Aileen - you're welcome, as always. sorry i snapped but i really hate coding.

Kai - nope i got Saucony shoes but i want the Gola ones! love's evil? guess who got married first in Game of Life! today. but it truly is.

Moz - lol, i love how you added the smiley in ANOTHER post. whaha. does it allow you to privatise certain entries? o_o i will, but i think i'll still stick to LJ. privacy is POWER. bwahah.

Keax - yeah, hell yeah. i was like OMGWTFBBQ *presses Paypal button* *panics* *panics* *runs to NaruFan to check* DN is not teh gay lah, you moo. who introed me to it!? it is as always a fabulous smart manga. hurhur. ted hughes is brilliant. curl up on a couch ~~and die~~ and read hughes with a cup of coffee/tea/(preferred beverage). it'll seep in. 19th Dec Post - guess who guess who! (you'll never guess) The RAN Online post later on though, you might guess who. :O omg i am desperate. (hurhur) just really miss those days lah. sorry about the Fila issue :/ and OMZOD why are you mentioning YAOI on my blog? *burns voodoo doll* i do go on MSN, but rarely. am of the anti-social breed of late.

Beaver - haha yes i am returning. *cues cheesy Star Wars music* take that (composer of star wars), i have DEFAMED YOU! >D how great, my beaver friend realised that! (actually i told quite a few people i think) thanks for the comfort. i think we'll survive ~~or die trying~~.

i am being slightly moody as usual, christmas always gets me in a bad mood. sorry.

2005-12-20T00:43:00.000+08:00

Why do I even care?
No phone calls, no news, nothing.
All this time worrying was probably wasted.
I must learn to not care.

Even though the wait was excruciating
I get the feeling I'm not worth your time, after all.

2005-12-19T21:02:00.000+08:00

PROJECT RUNWAY TONIGHT! OMGOMG Austin models. :D
Okay.

Thanks to MIKE and his friends, and Kai&Saif for a great afternoon.

I was actually quite proud of yesterday's game session, actually. Even though I hate talking about gaming here but well. I held my own against some really high-uppers. It's mad, but it does make me proud to have people praise me as a 'girl gamer'. Really.

Okay I've decided to do something about Christmas this year. :/

2005-12-19T20:53:00.000+08:00

He reminded me greatly of someone I used to know, before everything set into place and I cut him out of my life.
Then he stepped back into it for a while, flittingly.

Some people are just like that. You think they're here forever, then they leave, and you pretend you never ever knew them. Then they return and it seems like nothing ever happened, and then they're gone.

Just like passengers onboard a platform waiting for a train.

/

Despite my better instincts, I was on RAN Online till 230AM yesterday. Now why, do I spend all this useless time playing an online game when I am stressed out about 101 things at once?
Escapism. That's all it's about.
and a tiny, tingling desire to find the one i lost in 2003/2004.
How desperate.

Screen Names

2005-12-18T20:27:00.000+08:00

I am always having odd screen names, as a result of fascination with the English language.

Am tired of blogspot, once again.
Spear ME!

Just too many private thoughts, not safe to reveal to everyone who is reading zeh BLOG.
Maybe I should go back to LJ.

>_<

2005-12-18T14:20:00.000+08:00

#1. I wasted (blah) $8 bucks buying a NarutoFan Plus! subscription. But now I have 5 gig worth of ANIME DOWNLOADS. WOOHOO. Aur, you owe me 4 BUCKS. I swear my heart was jumping like mad when I decided to pay by PayPal (paranoid git about online transactions, I NEVER TRUST THEM!)

#2. The sequel to Wicked is out and I have it. *SMUG, SMUG SMILE* Son of A Witch. WOOHOO.

#3. Death Note is getting SUPREMELY EXCITING. If you're a manga person and you haven't read DN yet, HELLO!? If not, go read it. Get the downloads from me.
There is NO other manga that is half as intelligent as DN, really.

ANIME DOWNLOADS! WOOHOO
(and it was supposed to be a productive set design day :/)

I am HUGELY indecisive.

2005-12-16T22:34:00.000+08:00

Doctor Faustus or Don Juan!
O_o

Faustus sounds interesting but it's a pain to read. Bleagh.
Plus I've so much research done on Don Juan already.
:/

BAROQUE. decadence and excessiveness.
but i like. :)

2005-12-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

to me, you're strange and you're beautiful.
too bad i never had you,
ever.

/

the greatest urge to write mush/fluff after the sec2 experimentation. i swore i would NEVER write stupid silly fics like that again, but sometimes, believing in love keeps you alive for yet another day.

/

and you think your world is filled.
but you look back at it and realise, that all the while,
it's a matter of perspectives.
and that you never needed me at all.

gone 13th-14th.

SAUCONY&GOLA <3

2005-12-12T21:20:00.000+08:00

I give up on Revel. Grr.
Now to work on my new X'Mas layout, sigh.

Yesterday I went to buy new shoes!
♥ And I found two new loves.
Saucony Originals (which I eventually got) & Gola!
I lovee their shoes. My Saucony pair feels GREAT for walking / running and it's supposedly old-school. :) It makes me look short because the pair I have is quite small and cute-syish but who gives a damn, really!
And the GOLA Classics SHOE RANGE IS LOVE.
I'm going to waste money on buying one of those Golas, really. T_T

Freaky Dreams.

2005-12-12T15:18:00.000+08:00

ARGH. I just woke up from the worst dream ever.

I was in a library that SUSPICIOUSLY looked like the National Library, the Vistor Centre space (omzod Hist S T_T, I might be the only one who hasn't started it yet. Sayers should kick me out like NOW!1!) but it was dark. And all gala effectish. The red carpets, straw yellow atmospheric feeling, people in gowns, drinking. And all of a sudden there was this monster who was a Frankenstein (sp?) lookalike stomping around and everyone was freaking out, running about. Me too. I kept running into different places and he was ALWAYS there, and the whole setting morphed into different places as I entered them (such as the school hall, etc). People tried to kill him with all sorts of odd weapons. I was strangely holding this odd ornament that was sort of like a hairpin, then when I looked at it closely I could separate the top and the pin, giving me this rather neat small thin scapel-ish looking knife. By some odd instinct the next time that monster came at me I leapt at him and shoved it in his forehead o_o - he had a word tattoo, I can't recall what, but I remember shoving the knife into the letter 'E', and he collapsed for a while.

(all this is condensed because I can't remember the many attempts made to take his life)

I remember him telling me that he was not defeatable because he had 100 gin (which I translated to lives after I woke up).

Then after that some of the library staff and I opened this false floor and tossed him downstairs (he was literally downstairs, it's kind of like we opened the floor up and threw him down). I climbed up upon a ladder and opened a window and NEARLY fell out (it was that kind of HUGE glass window). Hoping that when he woke up he would climb the ladder and fall out of the window down the building and DIE. :X

It next morphed into a hotel dinner setting. The hotel was next to the library, I was having a dinner (that kind of wedding dinner-esque) but done outdoors ... then I saw in a distance someone like HIM walking towards the hotel. I freaked out and started making excuses to leave the place ... My dad came along with me, we walked to this hedge maze to get back to our room and ALL OF A SUDDEN HE WAS THERE. O_O!! With this other zombie looking like guy who I presumed was his dad. O_O His dad and mine started talking, and he started talking to me like nothing else had ever happened before that ... and he was actually ... nice. I was freaked though. On hindsight he reminded me strangely of Angel from Buffy (the kind of people where you know he's bad! but so ... *_*) I distinctively remember him helping me over a hedge. Hurhur. Then after that he told me that he would be off now, but could he see me tomorrow; I found myself answering yes AND THEN

he died. He said something along the lines of how being loved was the worst form of punishment for a monster-being, and in that, because I changed my mind about him, it caused him to die.

O_O!!! LIKE OMZODWTFBBQ!! :X :X
I must be suffering from RAN withdrawal, that frankenstein guy reminded me of Ardees. :/

I also had another dream about my Mum but it wasn't very pleasant. ):

/

I'm finally done with Revel. Goodness gracious. Check it out! http://www.destined.to/revel

I hate HTML more, though.

/ EDIT 5.05 : ARGH its not finished yet. :/ Just realised a fatal coding mistake and I've been trying to resolve it. :X